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ARIES (March 21-April 19): You will learn if you observe what others do and say. Expand your skills and expertise in any way you can. Don't let frustration or anger push you to make a rash decision. It's best to reflect before you react. 2 stars

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Overloading your to-do list will lead to looking bad and accomplishing little. Use your energy wisely by organizing your day in a reasonable manner. Leaving a little time to enjoy the company of someone you love is encouraged. 5 stars

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Home improvements will add to your comfort and emotional wellness. Express your intentions, but don't expect to be offered any help. The satisfaction you get by doing the work on your own will be worth it in the end. 3 stars

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Stay calm and don't let little things turn into a dispute that is likely to end poorly. Put your effort into doing a good job, minding your own business and working on self-improvement instead of trying to change others. 3 stars

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Concentrate on work, money and developing something that you enjoy doing into a lucrative endeavor. Uncertainty should be a warning to make adjustments to ensure your success. Don't feel pressured by someone looking for instant gratification. Pace your moves skillfully. 3 stars

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You need to put a little excitement back into your life. Socialize or network with a group of people you find interesting. Consider the personal changes you'd like to make and find a way to follow through without breaking your budget. 5 stars

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Emotional confusion will hold you back if you give in to demanding people. Do what you do best and don't worry so much about what others think. Protect your position and strive to advance. 2 stars

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Gathering information or learning new skills will encourage you to check out a direction that not only interests you, but has the potential to bring in more cash. Don't be afraid to take a unique or unfamiliar path. 4 stars

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Your skills and abilities put you in a position to achieve your goals, but it's up to you whether you do a stellar job or just an adequate one. Think about what will benefit you the most -- quality or quantity. 3 stars

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Emotions will surface regarding partnerships and decisions that must be made. Try to compromise or find common ground that will allow you to please everyone, including yourself. Love is on the rise and a little romance will improve your personal life. 3 stars

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Focus on what you can do to improve your relationships with others. Collaborating with talented people will bring about positive changes. You have good ideas, but may be considered a little ahead of your time. Simplify your plans. 3 stars

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Changes are heading your way in regard to how you earn your living. It's time to showcase what you have to offer and lay out a game plan that will ensure you bring in enough cash to cover your needs. Love is highlighted.

General and unsolicited advice

• Whenever a strang- er tells you to “Smile,” you should always respond with, “I’d like to see you smile with hemorrhoids this big.”

• If you’re ever worried you’re being insensitive, don’t be. Just assume the other party is being oversensi- tive; that way, even if you’re wrong, it’s not like you’re go- ing to care.

• Every time you make a “jerk-off” motion with your hand, you may actually be jerking-off a ghost. So con- sider that the next time you attempt to prove your moral superiority to the night man- ager at an Arby’s.

• Never rationalize ANY- THING with “because it’s tradition.” If something is traditional, it only means that it was agreed upon back when people were dumber and more superstitious.

• If you ever have an erec- tion that lasts three hours and 57 minutes, just sit back and relax — it could still be a totally natural occurrence, not something to consult your physician about.

• Always throw a pinch of salt over your shoulder for good luck because you never know: maybe there’s some- body standing behind you with a piping hot pretzel, and that person is your One True Love. Also, salt is hella cheap, so why not?

Andrew R. Juhl advises you not to take advice from the Ledge.

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