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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Use your intelligence to make your way to the top. Beef up and send out your resume if you are bored or feel you are going nowhere fast. A physical change will boost your confidence and lift your spirits. Romance is encouraged.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Take a tour around your neighborhood, and you'll notice things you haven't seen before. There is plenty to discover, and with a little coaxing, you may want to participate in something that will improve your community.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Your involvement in a worthy cause will lead to new friendships. Take a position of leadership and make suggestions, and you will become a valued contributor. Do your own research. Positive personal changes will improve a relationship.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Don't take on too much, or emotions will escalate, causing disputes or minor mishaps. Take time out for yourself. Do something you enjoy or that stimulates you mentally and physically. Personal changes will make you feel good.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Get motivated and make things happen. Act on your instincts and don't look back. You'll attract attention and plenty of interest in what you have to offer personally and professionally. Promote your interests, and you will get an offer you cannot refuse.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Stand firm if someone makes demands, but don't get into a dispute. Be prepared to walk away. You will lose if you don't negotiate with finesse. Believe in your ability to move forward on your own if necessary. Protect your interests.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You'll have trouble getting along with business partners. Compromise and keep the peace. Focus more on being helpful and taking care of personal needs that ease your stress and make you feel good about the way you look.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Take a close look at any contracts, investments or paperwork you are given. Someone will try to take advantage of you if you aren't careful. Make changes to whatever proposition you are given.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Expand your interests and your friendships. Exploring new people and places will change your attitude and improve your goals. Set your standards high, and you will rise to the occasion. Walk away from negativity or people looking for an argument.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Someone will play on your emotions by making a last-minute change. Before you jump to conclusions or believe what you hear, dig deep and look for alternatives that will help you continue along your set path.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Reconsider your direction and the partnerships you have formed. Limitations and frustrations will occur if you let someone make decisions for you. A professional change based on something you enjoy doing will bring you higher returns and greater satisfaction.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Getting along with your peers will make the difference in how successful you can be. Don't rule out the possibility that you are being judged not only on your skills and ability, but also on your presentation and appearance. Leave nothing to chance.



Breaking it to 'em easy:

• Mom says I’m too good for you.

• Sometimes, a person is just what you need, just when you need them. Your time for me is passed, and you’re no longer who or what I need. Right now, I need someone Asian. Got an itch. Gotta scratch it.

• I don’t like the way you kiss. Actually, I don’t like pretty much anything you do with your tongue.

• I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like first? WAIT — before you answer, the bad news is that I’m breaking up with you, so keep that in mind. Also: there’s no good news. Except for me. Because I’m free. Freeeeeee.

• Guess what you and a mountain of garbage have in common? You’ve both been dumped. Hahahaha. Just kidding. But, no, seriously. Leave.

• I like it better when we were just friends having tons of sex. With other people.

• All I’m saying is that I can’t be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t trust me to be alone in a room with a paid escort.

• I think four years is long enough, don’t you?

• I need more space. That’s why I'm moving to the Moon.

• I think you love me more than I love you. To be fair, you’d have to.

• It’s not me, it’s you. You’re horrible.

• It’s not you, it’s me. I hate you. Because you’re horrible.

Andrew R. Juhl misters you even more than he did yesterday.






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