|
New Feature! Sudoku below Horoscopes and Ledge, play online or print it out!



ARIES (March 21-April 19): Don't wait to be told what to do. Step up, take responsibility, and you will stand out from the crowd. Update your appearance and the way you do things. Taking progressive action will bring positive results.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Learn as you go. Be willing to admit when you make a mistake. Getting along will be half the battle when faced with professional problems. Do whatever it takes to improve your health and emotional wellness. Diet and exercise will make a difference.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Don't give in to demands from people looking for a handout. Do whatever it takes to make positive changes at home or to your appearance. What you do to enhance your life will lead to a romantic opportunity.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Make a couple of alterations at home that will add to your comfort or lower your overhead. Don't get angry when you can focus on your own success and happiness. Honesty and integrity will outshine emotional deception.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You will get ahead and complete your journey if you set realistic priorities. You can accomplish your goals and have fun if you make the decision to do something you love for a living. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You'll be fed false information. Someone will try to make you look bad. Stick to your plan, and don't leave room for error. Precision and practicality will guide you in any challenge you might face.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Keep your emotions tucked away where no one can see your vulnerability. Speak with authority and confidence, and you will bypass any competitors looking for a way to outmaneuver you. Don't share personal information. Love is in the stars.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You may think you have more disposable cash on hand, but saving for a rainy day will ease your stress. Someone will be all too happy to help you make lavish purchases. Don't try to buy love.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): An emotional problem will crop up if you have been hiding information or avoiding someone's questions. A trip that will take you out of proximity to what you are trying to avoid will buy you time, but it won't solve the problem.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Taking a short business trip, looking into a new product, or collaborating with one of your peers will lead to an interesting but unusual opportunity. Don't feel you have to make a quick decision. A methodical approach will lead to success.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Check out your options, and make a move. Partnering, improving your home, and using your skills to bring in extra cash will add to your security. Romance will brighten your day and improve your life. Avoid emotional spending.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Emotions will be close to the surface, making it difficult for you to keep your feelings a secret. Try not to engage in discussions that will back you into a corner. Offer kindness and undivided attention, not criticism.



Possibilities that come to mind whenever I hear someone say they want someone else 'in the worst way":

• In an open-topped Calcutta rickshaw during the rainy season.

• On the men's room floor at closing time after a live show at the Yacht Club.

• In the elephant pen at the circus about a day and a half after a delivery of rotten peanuts.

• Chin-deep in the Chuck E. Cheese ball pit, 10 seconds after numerous "code yellows."

• In the puppy cages at Petland, in front of the eyes of young, inquisitive children.

• On the sticky back aisle floor of a cinema playing any film starring Rob Schneider.

• In the crowd at the New York Stock Exchange, waiting for bids.

• Saddled atop of a generously proportioned donkey meandering its way down the Autobahn.

• In the security line at LaGuardia, dressed in abayas and thwabs, ululating at climax.

• On the subway, sandwiched between a really fat guy and the wall with all the gum stuck to it.

• Suspended upside-down, covered in spicy mustard, and situated directly above of bin of feisty marmots.

• Amid the Indiana sand dunes during a windstorm on a hot day.

• In the recycling center's newspaper bin, ass-deep in unfunny Ledges.

Andrew R. Juhl wants her in the normal, garden-variety way (covered in ranch dressing).






>> Click here to submit an event!


In today's issue:





 
Privacy Policy (8/15/07) | Terms of Use (4/28/08) | Content Submission Agreement (8/23/07) | Copyright Compliance Policy (8/25/07) | RSS Terms of Use

Copyright © The Daily Iowan, All Rights Reserved.