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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Take on a new mission. Head in a different direction, and be open to meeting new people. The places you visit and the information you obtain will bring positive change to your personal life and surroundings. Love is highlighted.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Keep your life balanced. Too much of anything will lead to setbacks. Focus on achieving stability in domestic matters, and use common sense when it comes to affairs of the heart. Laziness and procrastination must not be allowed to take over.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Don't let compliments go to your head. You will get far more attention if you are humble and gracious. Love is in the stars, and making an offer to someone special will bring positive changes to the way you live.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Try something new or check out different cultural events in your area. Signing up to learn a new hobby or adding to your skill set will result in meeting someone who inspires and motivates you to do more.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You have the insight, fortitude, and energy to make things happen. A change at work will bring you greater opportunities. Don't put love on hold. Engage in romantic plans that will keep your personal life exciting and an important relationship fresh.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Don't trust others to be accommodating or even honest with you. Take matters into your own hands to ensure everything gets done to your specifications. A judgment call based on secondhand information will make you look bad.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): A little effort will go a long way. A chance to get involved in something that you not only enjoy but can make a profit doing will be within reach. Your popularity will grow, and your love life will improve.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Misinformation can turn into a costly expense. Go over personal paperwork carefully before you make a commitment that will tie up your cash. Too much of anything will turn into a fiasco. Keep life simple and be discreet.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): An investment will pay off. You can negotiate deals, sign contracts, and make a commitment that will leave you in a good position. Partnerships look appealing, and they will change your life in a positive manner. Love is highlighted.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Changes going on around you will be to your detriment. Make a move personally or professionally if it will help you avoid a loss. Don't count on anyone but yourself to handle your responsibilities. Someone will feed you false information.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Use your imagination, and be a participant. The more active you are both mentally and physically, the more you will accomplish. Put more in to important relationships, and you will get just as much in return. Romance is heading your way.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Don't count on anyone but yourself. Disappointment will leave you feeling low. Emotional situations will be difficult to control. Concentrate on learning something new, not on trying to deal with an impossible situation. Treat yourself to something special.

Random Thoughts:

• Am I really the only person out there who likes further ado?

• Why do people claiming to be a mattress, furniture, or car royalty only go insane in ways financially beneficial to their customers? Why aren't there ever any commercials where a man wearing a makeshift tinfoil crown and a bathmat as a cape goes "crah-a-zeeeee" tripling MSRP? "HELLO EARTHLINGS. I'm Sam Smith, Suzuki King of Cleveland, and I've lost my everlovin' marbles. I'm selling Suzukis for dollars on the penny. Buy two, and I'll let you sleep with my dog. I've gone insaaaaaaaaaane."

• When you think about it, the word "sweater" is pretty disgusting word for a thing that does what it says.

• Remember when you used to think it was weird when older people clipped out articles and mailed them to friends who might be interested? That's literally 80 percent of Facebook now.

• Most people who are "arachnophobic" are simply overreacting to their own uncomfortable feelings of sexual attraction to spiders.

• To really enjoy the Utah Jazz, you need to see the shots they're *not* taking.

• I bet there were at least a few early settlers who were pretty sure bandwagons wouldn't catch on until everyone else did.

• Whenever you say something is "as pretty as a picture," you should remember that a picture is worth a thousand words and also that talk is cheap, which means you're basically insulting whatever you meant to call pretty, which makes *you* the jerk face, not me. Jerk face.

Andrew R. Juhl is a total renaissance man (he's unvaccinated).

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