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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Size up your situation, and make an educated guess at the best route to take. Sitting still and waiting for someone else to make a move will not help you get closer to your goal. Do your own thing and make it count.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Not everything will be crystal clear. Dig deep, and find out what everyone wants. Listen and learn. Move in a direction that interests you. Don't let mundane jobs take up all your time; do something that appeals to you.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Present what you have to offer. The moves you make will help you get your way. A partner will show greater interest and contribute to something that means a lot to you. A competitive challenge will end up in your favor.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Don't take your eye off the ball. As soon as you let down your guard, someone will step in and take over. You have to use your imagination and stay ahead of any competition you face. Don't give in to pressure.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Do something to update your image or to make what you have to offer more appealing. Use your insight, knowledge, and skills to get what you want. A self-confident attitude will lead to victory.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Emotions will surface, putting you in an awkward position. Look at the big picture, and you'll get a better idea what to do next. Love is highlighted, and making a romantic gesture will improve your personal life.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You'll be tempted to take a risk or to get involved in something that will cause problems at home. Think before you take a leap of faith and follow someone who is offering something that sounds too good to be true.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): A challenge will get you heading in a new direction. Consider ways that you can use your skills and talent to bring in extra cash. A partnership with someone with a lot to offer will result in greater cash flow.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Take on whatever comes your way. Your ability to challenge and compete with anyone who tries to match what you have to offer will lead you to the winner's circle. Changes at home will be in your best interest.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Put your money in a safe place. Build your assets, and protect your possessions. Focus on self- and home improvements, not on trying to change others. Stick close to home, and be conservative in your approach to helping others.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Take a look back, attend a reunion, or just get together with someone you haven't seen for a long time. Your memories will be a reminder of what you wanted to aspire to. It's never too late to begin something new.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Focus on learning, sharing information, and visiting people who can help you get ahead. Refrain from taking on too much or offering to help someone else when you should try to make your own dreams come true. Invest in your future.



Moments from a totally stable marriage:

• Her: How are you such a horrible spouse?!
• Me: I'm not gonna lie; it takes some forethought. Do you think I just wake up in the morning a horrible husband? HELL NO. I go right back to sleep instead of doing anything that would help you around the house.

• Her: Are you having a REESE'S EGG for BREAKFAST?!
• Me: Don't be silly. I'm having an energy drink for breakfast. The Reese's Egg is just a pre-breakfast snack.
• Her: Of course you are.

• Her: Do you really need people to run trivia? I guess maybe I could do a night a week. How much would I make?
• Me: $60 per night. So like twice as much as you'd make stripping.

• Me: Are you upset with me today?
• Her: I feel like you've been purposefully pushing my buttons.
• Me: Yeah, OK, a little bit. Can I do anything to de-press your buttons?
• Her: You've depressed me plenty enough today, thanks.

• Me: Honey, I love you.
• Her: That's fine, but you don't need to eat any more pie tonight.

Andrew R. Juhl does, despite all evidence to the contrary, love his wife.






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