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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Be careful what you reveal. Someone will misinterpret you if you say too much. Emotional deception is apparent. Establish your position, and you will gain the freedom you need to turn a situation in your favor. Don’t make any impulsive moves.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Connect with interesting people. You will benefit from what you learn and the experience you get by taking part in projects or activities. A new outlook will lead to satisfaction. Communication with elders, children, or peers will open your eyes.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): It’s what you do for others that will make a difference. Take the initiative to make your projects stand out. No matter what you want to accomplish, being proactive will be your ticket to getting positive results.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Speak up, and you will command an audience. There is plenty to gain if you follow your heart and express your emotions and concerns. A change will benefit you if you don’t complain or make a fuss. Embrace the future.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You can make things happen. Jump into a leadership position, and show everyone what you are capable of doing. A partnership will turn out to be gratifying and the perfect balance to help you hone your skills and execute them with finesse.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Face emotional issues head-on so that you can put the past behind you. Use any opportunity you get to express your likes and dislikes, and you’ll get a better idea where you stand and what to do next.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Sharing with others will result in balance and equality. A new hobby or creative project will lead to new connections and beginnings. Romance is apparent, but emotional deception is likely to hinder the outcome.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Put your heart and soul into unusual projects that can improve your home environment and save you money. A home-based business will bring in extra cash. Someone older or with more experience will give you the push you need to excel.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Take charge, and get things underway. Plan an adventure, visit a friend, or confess your feelings to someone you want to get to know better. Let your imagination run wild, and make changes that improve your surroundings.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Put your finances in order. Make changes based on what you see and hear. Don’t give anyone a chance to take advantage of you. A lifestyle change will improve your health, but only if you maintain control of the situation.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Question your past work and professional choices, and make the changes that will help you use the experience you have gathered to find a moneymaking venture that suits your current situation. Romance is encouraged.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Mix business with pleasure. Take on a job that you find entertaining and easy. Don’t let the demands someone puts on you keep you from doing the things you want to do. Share your success, and you will avoid interference.



Questions I’ve Asked Myself Recently

• How many Whoppers eggs is too many Whoppers eggs?

• Why does Facebook ask me to wish my friends “Happy Birthday” all year long when my friends only bother wishing me “Happy Birthday” once each August?

• If I delete my Klout account, will that hurt my Klout score? And why the hell do I even still have a Klout account?

• How come nobody ever takes selfies of me?

• Is poetic justice required to rhyme? Can poetic justice just be a haiku — or is that too close to “instant karma”?

• Why can’t professional athletes take performance-enhancing drugs when they’re already allowed to accept help from divine, omnipotent beings?

• Why do so many people file taxes every April when it’s so much easier to just pay it at the register each time you buy something?

• Am I too old to still be kissing my mother on the lips? What about my uncle? Does that mean the threeways are off the table, too?

• How many people need to sing my praises before I finally get one of those coveted Jollygood Fellowships?

• Why are all my capers “nonpareille”? I mean, who do I have to blow to get a pareilled caper in this town? Will the 1 percent of readers who get this joke even like it? Is 1 percent of “readers” even an entire reader at this point?

• No, but seriously, turn down for what?

Andrew R. Juhl questions you for questioning his self-questioning.






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