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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Enjoy what life has to offer, and you will discover a progressive path to follow. Take on a receptive attitude when it comes to learning, and you’ll find a unique way to improve your finances. Romance is highlighted. Live in the moment.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Keep your plans simple, and don’t share your thoughts until you are certain you can turn them into a reality. Making empty promises will end up being costly. The innocence of a youngster's point of view will be an eye-opener.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Make personal changes at home. Join an organization that will help you contribute to a cause you believe in. A chance to discuss an idea with someone who shares your principles will lead to a new path.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Use your energy wisely. Don’t let the little things get to you. Step up, and do your best to complete whatever job you’ve been given, and you will avoid criticism and discord. Don’t redo when maintenance is required.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Your entertaining personality will ensure popularity. Emotional issues with someone you love will escalate, making it a must to channel such energy into something you enjoy doing together. Planning a trip or getting involved in something you enjoy doing will spur enthusiasm.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Keep your personal money matters a secret. A strong feeling you have about someone will lead to profits. A change in a relationship will not turn out as anticipated. Approach partnerships with reservation. Act on your gut feeling.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You can alter the future by making suggestions and bringing about reforms. A new friendship will turn out to be quite appealing. Honesty regarding your likes, dislikes, and goals will make a difference to the way a partnership unfolds.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Be secretive about what you are doing, and you will avoid interference. The more you interact with others, the less you will get done. Do not become sidetracked helping someone else get ahead. Put your needs first.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Deals can be made, money spent, and contracts signed. Fixing up your surroundings, making a move or changing the dynamics of an important relationship will promote greater happiness and harmony. Love is highlighted.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Money matters and important partnerships must be looked at carefully. Make your position clear, but be willing to compromise in order to get what you need to excel. A last-minute change can be expected. Prepare to counter strategically.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You’ll make gains doing your own thing and using experience and connections to get what you want. Dedication will lead to steady progress where work, money and your reputation are concerned. Love is in the stars, and romance is encouraged.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Work until you feel satisfied with the results you get. Presenting ideas too soon will lead to criticism. Learn from the mistakes others make, and you will develop a flawless plan. Take care of anything that may hinder your success.

Juhl 2024!:

• Unlike those lying bastards in Washington, I am not a politician. Which I why I’m the person best-suited to be your next Most Powerful Politician.

• To build interest in the private-sector space race, the next Mars Rover will include a $1 trillion coin. First one to go get it can keep it.

• So that they know we’re serious, I say we photo-bomb Russia.

• If you can prove you were rocking-out to a killer tune, the speeding ticket will be voided.

• As your president, I will refuse to negotiate or play Monopoly with terrorists. Unless I can be the Scottie dog. Or the race car.

• I will not negotiate with terrorists, at garage sale or during any game of Monopoly.

• “Hail to the Chief” will be replaced by “Clubbed to Death” from the Matrix and me walking in slow-motion while doves are released in the background. Yes, the annual dove budget will be exorbitant, but it will be worth it. It. Will. Be. Worth. It.

• Anyone caught making a statement along the lines of, “If women don't want to have their private selfies leaked, then women shouldn’t take private selfies in the first place,” will be (1) slapped in the face HARD, and (2) told if they didn’t want to be slapped in the face HARD, then they shouldn't say stupid shit in the first place.

• I will be extremely clear with Big Tobacco about what I want. #NoFilter

Andrew R. Juhl will choose his running mate in the Thunderdome.

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