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ARIES (March 21-April 19): You’ll move along at lightning speed, making it imperative that you are cognizant of what those around you are doing, even if they appear to be moving at a snail’s pace. Take a moment to tell someone special how much you care.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Keep your thoughts to yourself. If you share your secrets with someone, he or she will disappoint you, causing a dispute that can affect your partnership. Less talk will help you avoid a confrontation.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): The more you contribute to a cause or joint venture, the more you will get back. Take a position of leadership, but don’t make promises you cannot keep. Maintaining an honest balance among enthusiasm, hope, and reality will be what makes you popular.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Proceed with caution. Someone you least expect will try to make you look bad or ruin your chance to advance. Stay on top of any project you are given. Giving anyone too much responsibility will end in disaster. Partnerships will be difficult.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Take flight, and do your own thing. Everything you touch will turn to gold. Your charisma will lead to greater popularity. Personal improvement will turn out well, and relationships will be enhanced if you offer praise or a commitment.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Money, legal, or medical issues are best taken care of before they have a chance to worsen. Stabilize your situation at home and at work. Listen to complaints, and offer realistic solutions that can be implemented quickly.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): A change in the way you feel will lead to a better personal environment or connection to someone important in your life. Speak up, and share your ideas, thoughts, and intentions. Once you establish your position, much can be accomplished.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Focus on the people who motivate and inspire you to follow your dreams or pursue a creative talent. Fix up your surroundings to encourage relaxation, and it will ease your stress and promote a strong emotional connection with someone special.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Make changes to your home that will offer more opportunities to entertain company, or pursue a hobby that you are interested in. Self-improvement projects will make you feel good about yourself. Love is in the stars.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Be careful how you deal with individuals. Not everyone will agree with you, and opposition will escalate if you push your ideas on others. Concentrate on creating an environment that works for you and doesn’t disturb those around you.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Work-related matters should be dealt with. Check out a new job posting, update your résumé or start your own small business. Whatever you do, strive to stabilize your professional position and reach your goals. Rekindle an important relationship.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): You’ll be questioned. Have your facts in order before you enter into a conversation that will determine your ability to make your next move. The stakes are high, and preparation will make a difference to the outcome.

Notes to Self:

• No matter how good of a song “He Stopped Loving Her Today” is, you should remove it from you gym playlist. Otherwise, you will get all teary and falter on the treadmill, and then all of the incredibly cute, fit ladies will not believe that you are crying because you’re such a sensitive man; they’ll think you’re bawling because the treadmill sent you hurdling backwards into a row of elliptical machines. And they’ll be (mostly) right.

• When someone shouts, “Oh, my god,” you should not reply-shout, “Oh, your god.” Especially during sex.

• A peeling sunburn on your forehead and a navy-blue dress shirt are a bad combination, especially on days you have to make a class presentation.

• “You’re prettier than my ex” is considered a compliment and a confidence booster to women when beginning a new relationship. Though it essentially means the same thing, “You’re not as ugly as my ex” does not evoke the same response.

• The next time you think you might crap yourself, trust that feeling.

• Shaving your cat is not an acceptable solution to the problem of constantly needing to vacuum.

• When you girlfriend says not to get her anything for Valentine’s because money is tight and you shouldn’t be wasteful, don’t listen to her. It’s much better when she’s “mad” at you for not listening to her than it is when she’s severely pissed-off at you for following her suggestion.

• “You have a very soothing voice” is the correct thing to say to a woman. “You put me to sleep” is not.

Andrew R. Juhl was going to write something here but forgot what it was.

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