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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Discuss your options with someone you have worked with in the past. Don't let an emotional incident interfere with your productivity or how you get along with someone of influence. Make the appropriate changes to help you advance. 

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Expanding your mind and your self-awareness will bring about a change of attitude and an increased appreciation of friendships. You can influence others by sharing your thoughts and offering an alternative way to live. 

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Your curiosity will mount. Trying something new will bring you in contact with people who can influence your life. Don't be too eager to make a leap of faith. Your research will show that you are better off following your own path. 

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Romance, a trip to exotic destinations, and trying something new will give you the boost you need. Good fortune awaits if you are willing to put more effort into the way you present who you are and what you want. 

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Deception is apparent where money and joint ventures are concerned. You can make changes, but do so for the right reasons and only after you have done sufficient research to warrant moving forward. Too much of anything will work against you. 

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Re-evaluate your personal and professional relationships. If you feel someone is working against you, look at your alternatives, and do whatever is necessary to avoid creating a scene. Rely on facts and figures, not hearsay.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Size up your situation, and make your move. You have plenty to gain by using your intelligence to maneuver your way through any discussion that can have an effect on your relationships in business or in your personal life. 

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Someone close to you will show signs of instability. Look for a unique way to compensate for someone's loss or confusion. Positive change will help to bring you closer together and improve the way you live and do things in the future. 

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Don't let someone's personal interest in you cause confusion. You are best to make positive changes at home that will help you re-evaluate what you have. Someone pretending to offer what you want will mislead you. 

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Don't allow the changes going on around you to cause stress. If you don't like something, make positive moves rather than complain. Revert to the situations, people, and places that have worked best for you in the past. 

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Don't let opposition scare you. Focus on your family, your home, and changes that will bring greater happiness and joy to you and those you love. Don't give in to someone trying to control what you can and cannot do.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Keep a tight lip to avoid being called a meddler. Emotional matters will escalate quickly, causing problems for you that can influence your personal and professional status. Don't fold under pressure or reveal sensitive information. Observe, but do not take action.



Questions I've asked myself recently:

• What is the standard for "acting with impunity"? I might have been doing everything with impunity this whole time.

• When will food scientists stop messing around and finally make an electrolyte-replenishing ice cream?

• If the Oscars are televised, why aren't the Emmys a movie?

• Is it more embarrassing if this huge sore on my lip is from (1) contracting herpes or (2) eating a whole can of stale salt-and-vinegar Pringles with too much … "enthusiasm"? Is it wierder that I'd sooner admit to the former than the latter?

• Why do people keep calling me "cynical"? What do they get out of doing that? I mean, what's in it for them?

• Why can't I reliably remember how old I was when I discovered the truth about Santa Claus: He's a subtle form of behavior-modification therapy?

• When all the urinals are busy in a huge public bathroom, am I supposed to close the stall door if I'm only peeing? Do women have an issue like this? What does it say about me that only during mild questions of public etiquette do I envy being a woman in today's supposedly modern society?

• If I'm not supposed to hook myself up to a car battery up for sexual pleasure, then why was I born with these "+" and "-" birthmarks on my testicles?

Andrew R. Juhl thanks Jayne Sanderson for questioning his questioning.






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