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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Secretive actions will bring the highest and most unusual rewards. Volunteer work will give you greater insight into what you want to do in the future. Romance is on the rise, and sharing ideas and plans will bring about better personal living conditions.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Your ability to find unique ways to overcome difficult situations will put you in a good position. Try not to take on too much or you will suffer from exhaustion, defeating your attempts to complete what you start.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Use past experiences to get ahead now. Don't trust anyone to do as good a job as you when it comes to taking care of your responsibilities. Romance will bring about a positive change in your living arrangements.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Do something you've never done before. Express your thoughts to someone you want to form a partnership with. Colleagues you have worked with in the past will have something unique to offer you. A business trip looks promising.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Take a short trip or gather information about someone you want to get to know better. Re-evaluate your current situation and set up goals for the upcoming year. Your heart will rule your head, so don't act too impulsively.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Emotions will arise regarding a partnership that you have lost faith in. Talk matters through until you come up with a workable solution. Letting the situation fester will cause undue stress. Take control and make a practical decision.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): When it comes to your professional goals, don't confide in anyone. Someone will twist your words or use the information you share against you. Concentrate on having fun, networking and sizing up what everyone else plans to do.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Creative ventures and using your imagination to get things done will ease stress. A change in the way you feel about someone is likely to develop. Consider whether you want to walk away or make a commitment.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Look for the positives. Do your best to display honesty, but don't expect others to do the same. Prepare to redirect your goals if you feel you need to make changes in order to improve your professional life.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Refuse to let anyone coerce you into something you don't want to do. Emotional pressure will be applied, leaving you in an awkward position. Strive to do the best job possible or check out new professional opportunities.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Size up all the changes you want to implement, and get the ball rolling. A partnership or work-related opportunity will lead to new beginnings and a chance to raise your standard of living.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): An energy boost will help you get things done as long as you don't engage in a disagreement. Don't waste your time trying to convince others to follow you. Do your own thing and present your work only when you are ready.

A partial list of things I should probably tell every perspective girlfriend:

• You might initially think I’d be a pretty crappy boyfriend, but I’m actually pretty good at brainwashing.

• As of Christmas, my father has more Journey tattoos than my mother. Again. For now.

• I can be pretty selfish. We’re talking “chooses an eight-min- ute song at karaoke” selfish.

• My inner child is 62-year-old lesbian named “Frankie.”

• If we get a half-pepperoni-half-sausage pizza, I will definitely make a joke about how disappointed I am that all the pepperonis and sausages are normal-sized. Every. Time.


• I’m an expert at hitting the snooze button on my phone’s alarm clock with my nose, like a sleepy woodpecker. It’d be kind of cute if I wasn’t also covered in sticky drool and habitually late for work.

• I was abandoned as a child and raised by timber wolves. As such, I have poor social skills and am positively terrible at basketball.

• I’m addicted to that feeling you get right after you work out after not having worked out for six years.

Andrew R. Juhl wonders if any of this knowl- edge will be useful at the Old Capitol Brew Works Pub Quiz, from 8-10 p.m. today.

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