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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Examine what's going on around you. Pay attention to detail as well as to what your peers are up to. Don't argue over trivial matters. Make the necessary changes and keep moving forward. Don't be disillusioned by what others do or say.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Don't take chances, live in the past, or procrastinate. You have to stay tuned in to the people and things that are important to you now if you want to stay on top of your personal situation. Don't let stubbornness get in your way.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Don't trust anyone with your personal or financial affairs. You will be disappointed by the motives behind someone's generosity. Get involved in a cause you believe in, and explore new friendships. Don't jeopardize your position over a personal matter.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Participate in an event that will help you understand different cultures. Exploring will help take your mind off of personal situations that need time to settle. Heed your insight to determine how to use your time effectively.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Watch over your investments closely. Look for solutions that will help you deal with a precarious situation. Make changes to your current lifestyle that will help you reduce your overhead. Consider a residential move or updating your skills to raise your income.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Be extremely careful when handling relationship issues. Any show of instability will end up costing you. Put your heart on the line, and express how you feel and what you want to see happen. Don't just talk, take action.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Can you keep a secret? It will be vital for you not to leak information. A change in your status, your reputation, or a partnership will depend on how you handle discussions with people who can influence your future.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Consider what everyone around you is doing. Making an impulsive move will be out of character, but an effective way to deal with competition. Form an alliance with someone insightful and practical. Don't let your personal life interfere with your work.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Don't be fooled by what others say. Go to the source, and get your facts straight. Knowledge will make the difference when facing a decision. A change at home can bring benefits as long as you don't go overboard.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Take the road less traveled, and you will take everyone by surprise. Speak up, and take control. Once you show your strengths, you will find it easy to get the backing and support you need to get ahead professionally and financially.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Don't let confusion set in because of conversations with generous but uninformed individuals. Make modifications based on what works for you, not because you want to please everyone around you. A change will bring good fortune.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Offer help, and you will discover valuable information that's instrumental to your advancement. Contracts and alliances can be formed and put into play. Don't let an emotional matter get in the way of your professional or financial progress.



Re-examining a few more well-known sayings:

• "Some see the glass as half-empty, others as half-full." Bloggers who work at Upworthy and Buzzfeed see the glass as a blatant example of social injustice.

• "If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, chances are it's a duck." And if it has sex like a duck, stop watching ducks have sex, pervert.

• "Comedy equals tragedy plus time." So in a few years, the fact that I failed this math class will be hilarious, right?

• "When God closes a door, he opens a window." He's not telling you to jump out of it or anything, but, you know, you asked for a sign, and he closed a door AND opened a window, so …

• "Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime." Give a cat a fish and that cat will eat it, throw it up, and pout incessantly that you didn't give her two.

• "All the world's a stage …" and now that we're a global community, all the world's a community theater. That's right: These are the end times, hell on earth.

• "I cried because I had no shoes, then I met a man who had no feet." Now I just can't stop laughing.

Andrew R. Juhl isn't an idiom, you oxymoronic proverb.






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