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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Protect your position. Be accommodating, and take on as much as you can to pick up any slack that may reflect poorly on your ability. An innovative outlook will attract interest in something that you want to pursue. Be patient and mindful.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Being stubborn will limit you. Refusing to listen to good advice will be your downfall. Look at your situation realistically, and you will see the possibilities. Job opportunities are present if you are receptive to change.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Someone will be jealous of you or of a friendship you have with someone else. Try to spread your time evenly among your friends, family, and partner. Balance will be the key to getting ahead. Avoid impulsive spending and joint financial ventures.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Heated arguments will lead to personal changes. Impulsive reactions will be detrimental. Gauge what's going on around you, but don't meddle. Focus on doing something that interests you to maintain your peace of mind.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Overstepping boundaries or being too dramatic will put a distance between you and someone special. Don't take the blame for something you didn't do or place the onus on others. You are best to step back and focus on personal improvements.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Dealing with institutions will be trying. Put off important meetings until you feel confident you can make your point and win. Spend your time working out any negatives in your life. Focus on details and satisfying yourself.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Make a move if it will improve your personal or professional life. Don't let anyone pressure you into doing something for the wrong reasons. Use your ability to see situations from all sides.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Use your wisdom and past experience to bypass someone asking for too much. Your ability to articulate your thoughts will help you get your point across and encourage others to help you reach your goals. Avoid indulgence of any kind.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You'll be tempted to chase the thrill and adventure of any situation, but before you head down that path, look at the consequences that are likely to develop. Focus on spirituality and peace, and forgo the chance of injury or argument.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The changes going on around you are not in your control, so accept the inevitable and deal with what you can alter. Don't feel the urge to donate or pay for someone else's mistake. Look out for your interests, and offer only suggestions.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Refuse to let tension build up until it explodes. Re-evaluate your responsibilities, and keep moving to avoid trouble. Get involved in an activity that you find educational or relaxing. Think before you act.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): A one-sided partnership will lead to confusion. Try not to reveal your true feelings until you are certain where you stand on professional or family issues. A money venture can be quite prosperous if you are patient and prudent.



My first experience buying stock:

• Googled "stock" (746,000,000 results).

• Googled "stock that will make a lot of money" (320,000,000 results).

• Watched a "How To" video YouTube.

• After the video ended, watched two hours of cute baby animals on YouTube.

• Abandoned idea, went to search and learn about stocks on Wikipedia.

• Realized the word "dividend" is used outside of the game Monopoly.

• Played a game of Monopoly trying to apply what I learned from YouTube.

• Went broke on Marvin Gardens.

• Edited the Wikipedia article on stocks by replacing every instance of the word "stock" with "chicken nugget" and every instance of "share" with "Cher."

• Went back an hour later and found that all the "chicken nuggets" had been corrected, but all the "Chers" remained.

• Rethought becoming an investor, bought a bottle of whiskey and a scratch ticket instead.

• Half-a-bottle and a $2-winning scratch ticket later, gained the confidence I needed to buy some stock.

• Purchased $1,000 in the Japanese company with the coolest looking letters.

• The other half-a-bottle later, sold the stock, thinking it had skyrocketed.

• The next morning, learned — with a horrible hangover — that my E*Trade balance was an anemic 45,000. Yen.

• Ate cold Pokey Sticks I had apparently ordered the previous evening while ordering ¥45,000-worth of classic Pokémon memorabilia.

• Success.

Andrew R. Juhl thanks Nathan Wulf for the material in today's Ledge.






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