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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Indecisiveness or inconsistency will lead to trouble. Try not to change your mind too much when dealing with colleagues, loved ones or partners. Try to make small personal improvements that will make you feel and look good.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Make plans for two if you are in a relationship, or join a group that is conducive to meeting someone special. Love is on the rise, and fun should be your main objective. A short trip will be exhilarating, so start planning now.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Take care of domestic chores and responsibilities and you will be given the opportunity to make personal changes that will improve your life. Getting together with someone you know through work will lead to a job prospect.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): If you want something, go after it and don't stop until you are satisfied with the results. Love is on the rise, and romance will improve your personal life. Update your look or make improvements that will boost your confidence.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Choose your battles wisely. Use intelligence over brawn to prove your point. A change of heart will help you recognize your options and pick a course of action that will lead to good fortune and improved partnerships.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Family time will be rewarding, so be sure to carve out time to visit your loved ones. Someone will have something unique to offer you. Don't be shy when it comes to trying something new. Love is in the stars.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Hold off signing contracts or agreements if you don't feel comfortable with the offer. Use diplomacy when making suggestions and you will eventually get what you want. Look at change as a new beginning, not a threat.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Pleasure trips will lead to romance and a better personal life. You can make changes to your living arrangements that will help you see new possibilities regarding where or how you live. Take action and you will be rewarded for your efforts.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Talk with someone who has insight into your situation. You can make positive changes, but only if you are honest regarding your motives. Clear the air and begin the process that will bring you greater personal satisfaction.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Look at the big picture and consider what will bring you closer to your goals. A job that offers a challenge and can get you out of a rut or monotonous routine should be considered if the possibility arises.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Remain objective regardless of what's being said or how others react to your stated plans. Focus on what resonates with you and follow a plan that will allow you the freedom to do your own thing. Don't let an opportunity pass you by.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): You are sitting in a better position than you may have initially realized. Get your paperwork in order and prepare to go after a lifelong goal. Sharing your ideas and rewards with someone you love will enhance your life and your relationship.



How I Keep It Classy:

• I read only highbrow newspapers, such as those left on the bus.

• I am a member of a very exclusive (sole member, me) country club; i.e., an abandoned barn in the countryside where I go to shoot BB guns.

• I have several "New Car Scent" air fresheners hung around the boudoir.

• At snack time (or "inter-repast victuals," as I prefer), I limit myself to three pieces of lunchmeat per grab from the bag.

• My beer coozies are adorned with famous quotes from some heavy-duty philosopher dudes, most notably "Stone Cold" Steve Austin and "The Rock." Some real deep stuff.

• I fashioned a monocle from the ring of a milk jug and some dental floss and some cufflinks from thumbtacks and Ritz Bits.

• My car horn beeps Beethoven's Fifth.

• Those morsels of food leftover in my beard are sturgeon caviar and foie gras, I'll have you know.

• Only the finest, top-shelf, organic, Kobe beef jerky for me. I belch in French.

• My fleas may not do circus acts, but their performance of Richard III was simply sublime.

• I take part in a bridge club, but it's less to do with playing cards and more to do with smoking cigarettes and spray-painting swear words.

Andrew R. Juhl thanks Will Hartman for the material in today's Ledge.






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