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New Feature! Sudoku below Horoscopes and Ledge, play online or print it out!



ARIES (March 21-April 19): Concentrate on personal improvements, not on trying to change others. You will meet with opposition if you try to dictate what you want done. Do the work, take full credit, and you will avoid costly repercussions. Romance is highlighted.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Check out investments, but don't put your money on the table. You are best to invest in something that will help you master your skills and improve your chance to get ahead professionally. Overreacting or spending will be your downfall.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Make some positive alterations to your life and the way you live it. Engage in networking or activities that will help you make new contacts, and explore possibilities that can bring you greater success and happiness. Love is on the rise.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Watch your back. An unexpected turn of events will leave you in a precarious position that can harm your reputation. Protect your name, your assets, and your position. Do whatever it takes to get along with others.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): A change of environment or friends will help you see your life differently. Gauge how you can secure your place among your peers without facing upset at home. Balance will be necessary to keep the peace both personally and professionally.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Look over offers or money situations carefully. Getting things done properly will be your saving grace. Don't feel the need to bypass steps just to please someone. Practical application will help you come out on top with no regrets or worry.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Work hard to make relationships better. Being accommodating is fine as long as you get the same in return. Getting involved in your community or a group effort that addresses a concern you have will throw you into the spotlight.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Stick to what's expected of you, and once you are finished, get on with projects that give you the freedom to be innovative and can help you find a new niche. A partnership will improve if you avoid indulgence.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Take a short trip to uncover new possibilities with regard to lifestyle, vocational opportunities, or activities you want to indulge in, but be sure to take care of your responsibilities first. Romance and personal change is encouraged.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Opportunities to make money may interfere with your personal plans. Don't leave out a loved one when including her or him will end up being a winning situation. Take pride in how you look, or you may face ridicule.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Don't back down when you have so much to gain. Contracts, wheeling and dealing, and financial growth are all within your reach. A change in the way you do things will attract attention and the possibility of a new position.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): A change in the way you deal with partners will prompt an unexpected situation to arise at work. Don't get angry when you should check out how you can get ahead. A window of opportunity must not be ignored.



Olympic Events:

• If typos were an Olympic event, I'd take home both glod and sliver.

• If napping were an Olympic event, I'd probably sleep through the qualifiers.

• If problem drinking were an Olympic event, I'd fall asleep on the couch while watching it on television and then probably piss myself.

• If being a good wingman were an Olympic event, I'd bang the winner's girlfriend.

• If time management were an Olympic event, I'd probably get to it at some point.

• If complaining were an Olympic event, it would be stupid and boring, and I'm cold.

• If sarcasm were an Olympic event, I'm sooo sure you'd be the best at it.

• If climaxing were an Olympic event, my girlfriend would never finish.

• If haiku were an Olympic event, I guess this would qualify.

• If understanding how sports worked were an Olympic event, I'd have a blue ribbon.

• If bronzing were an Olympic event, I'd have the bronzest gold medal ever.

• If coupon doubling were an Olympic event, I'd have three gold medals.

• If baking were an Olympic event, I'd have a whole bag of Gold Medal.

• If hoarding was an Olympic event, I'd have 29 bronze medals.

• If awesome teenage mutant ninja turtle names were an Olympic event, I'd be Thomas Kinkade.

• If beating a dead horse were an Olympic event, this joke structure would be taking Mjolner to Secretariat.

Andrew R. Juhl thanks all his friends who collaborated on today's Ledge.






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