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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Make suggestions, and you will be able to bring about favorable lifestyle changes that include an unusual relationship you have with someone. A social function will offer insight into a worthwhile investment. Be ready to take action.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Keep your eyes open and your ears tuned in to conversations that offer insight into the economy and current job market. An emotional plea will leave you with an unexpected choice. Don't take on more than you can handle.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Stick to your plan regardless of any temptation you face. It's important to follow through and be accepting if you want to avoid complaints and interference. Refuse to let an emotional incident cloud your vision.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Make positive changes at home, and avoid conversations that will leave you in a vulnerable position. Trying to please everyone will result in being taken for granted. Pursue the people, places, and interests that bring you the most satisfaction.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Make a move that will be rejuvenating. Use good judgment, but don't lose sight of what makes you happy. A change of pace, scenery, or environment will spark ideas that motivate you to take charge of your life and make things happen.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Work hard, and do your best. Set your goals high, and refuse to stop until you are satisfied with your progress. Don't take no for an answer or give in to someone who has ulterior motives. Make choices based on your needs.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You'll be difficult to pin down. Too many interests will keep you moving but might also cause friction with someone who wants your undivided attention. Attending an industry event will result in an opportunity to meet someone who can help you advance.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Let your imagination lead you forward, but don't get carried away. Look for practical ways to complete your plans, and you will avoid being caught in a no-win situation. Uncertainty regarding a friendship will fester if you disagree.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): An energetic approach to whatever you do will impress someone you want to do business with. Unusual suggestions will result in a contribution from someone with business savvy. Lay down your strategy, make a proposal, and you will strike a deal.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Consider the consequences before you make a move or take a risk. Don't let anyone pressure you into something you don't want to do. Focus on easing your stress and taking better care of your health. Avoid situations that are unpredictable.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You'll be faced with a choice. Don't avoid what has to be dealt with now. The changes you make will help you get ahead professionally and give your reputation and your confidence a boost. Invest in yourself and your skills.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Secure your financial position. Sign deals and invest in growth and better money management. Work quietly, and do whatever it takes to avoid an argument. Offer peace, patience, and love to someone who has always supported your actions.



Seven Surefire Ways to Deflect Telemarketers:

• Ask their name. Then ask them to spell it. Now ask them the origin of their name. Then ask them what company they're calling from. Now ask them to spell it. Finally, ask them the origin of their company's name. Assuming they haven't hung up yet, ask them their name. Then ask them to spell it …

• Politely explain that this isn't your phone, it's the phone of the people whose house you've just broken into, but you'll gladly go untie and de-gag them to see if they're interested.

• Just answer everything they say — question or statement — with the word "pants." Why? Because "pants" is funniest word ever.

• Treat them as a free psychoanalyst. Seem if you can recover any lost memories from your tortured youth. If you can't, see if you can uncover any lost memories from the telemarketer's tortured youth. Don't give up. The memories are there. Guaranteed.

• "I'm sorry, ma'am. This is the county morgue. We do have someone here by that name, but he's not exactly available to talk at the moment …"

• If there's a considerable pause between when you pick up and when the telemarketer does, tearfully exclaim, "THANK GOD YOU ANSWERED. I'VE BEEN WORRIED SICK ABOUT YOU."

• If they call while you're watching TV, simply explain that you're interested, but you're in the middle of something and will they please stay on the line. Go back to watching TV. Keep checking in with them during commercial breaks, and make a game out of seeing how long you can keep them on the line. (My best is 53 minutes.)

 Andrew R. Juhl is sorry if you're a telemarketer but probably not as sorry as you are.






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