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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Your ability to embrace change and turn whatever is going on to your advantage will lead to a new beginning. Offers made may cause uncertainty at first, but once you weigh the pros and cons, you will know exactly how to react.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Don't count on others to do things for you. Let your past performance speak for you. Make changes based on experience, fair play, and an opportunity to move in a direction that promises prosperity and satisfaction.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Stand tall, and refuse to let what others say or do bother you. Anger never solves anything, but working toward your goals does. Prepare to make the changes that will make you feel more at ease personally and professionally.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Make positive changes to your environment and do what you can to cut your overhead. Not everyone will like or approve of the changes you implement, but you have to do whatever works for you and eases your stress.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Jumping from one thing to another will make those around you nervous. The ease at which you carry out your plans will help you gain respect. Be wary of someone who might be secretly trying to take advantage of your stamina.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You will face opposition and are best to deal with it in a positive, patient and practical manner. Getting angry will not solve anything and will probably lead to lies, deception, and disillusionment. Work on self-improvement, not trying to change others.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Legal, financial, or medical matters should be dealt with personally. Do not let anyone handle matters that can have an effect on your future. Do what you can to protect your home and your family's interests. Get your facts straight.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Take a position, follow through with your belief, and you will achieve great satisfaction from lending a helping hand. Keep a close watch on authoritative institutions, agencies, or people to ensure you aren't being cheated or manipulated.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Follow through with your plans, but don't feel the need to take on someone else's chores or demands. Emotional blackmail is apparent and must be kept in perspective to avoid being taken for granted. Use your head and do what's best for you.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Avoid being impulsive when engaging in chatter with friends, relatives, or peers. You are best to focus on personal and financial self-improvements that will lead to a better lifestyle or environment. Protect your assets, possessions, and your reputation.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): A financial change is heading your way. You can make career moves that will improve your status quo and lead to greater opportunities down the road. Open up to business or personal partners and you will get the go-ahead.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Keep life simple, and avoid engaging in disagreements or risky emotional, physical, or financial situations. Listen carefully to what others say and offer. There will be underlying motives that you are best to address before you make a decision.

Random Thoughts:

• I'm no Cornel West, but I suspect acoustic covers of hip-hop songs are our generation's minstrel shows.

• When you think about it, Charles E. Rushmore sorta won the all-time famous-by-association lottery, didn't he?

• We're living in the golden shower age of free fetish porn sites.

• The difference between 9 p.m. and 9 a.m. is like night and day.

• I don't know why so many people put their faith in Jesus. That guy couldn't call forth a miracle to save his own life.

• We're getting close to that time of year again where we try to persuade little children that pumpkins are scary despite the fact that we're the ones carving their faces off.

• Clouds 6 through 8 are probably just fine, too, you know?

• Americans recently ranked 24th out of 25 developed countries in math competency. WE CAN DO BETTER, PEOPLE. SECOND PLACE ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH.

• Two things: (1) if you save the cardboard insides of old paper towel and toilet paper rolls, they make for really fantastic help with storing all those extra cables, wires, and extension cords you have around your home; (2) I used to do things like go to clubs and go see live music.

• All of my friends who hate the Oscars/Emmys/Grammys because it's "just rich people giving each other awards" also love sports.

Andrew R. Juhl wants to tests how randomly you think tonight at the Old Capitol Pub Quiz, from 8-10pm.

>> Click here to submit an event!

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