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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Being on the defensive and picking fights will not help you win in the long run. Look for an imaginative way to satisfy both your needs and the needs of those influenced by your actions. Helping others will bring high returns.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): A proactive approach to something you want to do or someone you want to get to know better will work in your favor. A romantic gesture will improve your personal life. A flattering change can be made.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Bide your time when it comes to making personal and domestic changes. You are better off concentrating on obtaining information and ironing out any small but important details that can affect the outcome of a plan you want to pursue.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Don’t assume anything. Take a closer look at the situation you face and the people involved before you make a move. Taking an obscure approach will throw a wrench in anyone’s plans to oppose you. Preparation will be your biggest ally.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Put in the time, and reap the rewards. Showing dedication and honoring promises made will raise your profile and your reputation. Favorable changes are within reach, as long as you don’t upset someone in a position to derail your plans.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Time is on your side. Don’t feel the need to make an impulsive decision or change because someone is pressuring you. Stick to your original plan, and you will reach your goal and rewards for your patience and savvy maneuvers.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Listen carefully, and sum up what’s going on around you before you make a decision to offer someone help. You have plenty to offer, but uncertainty coupled with being pressured can lead to an uncompromising move. Exercise caution.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): An unusual approach to the way you run your home and deal with personal relationships will work well, but it might also cause some friction with others. Go about your business quietly, and refrain from sharing your decisions until after the fact.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Home, family, building your assets, and doing things that make you happy should be your goals. Don’t be railroaded by someone who doesn’t share your likes, dislikes or concerns. Follow the path that suits you best and don’t look back.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Your usual steady way of approaching everything isn’t likely to work for you today. Get ready to take a different approach to the way you handle friends, family, and conversations that will bring about long-term change. Protect your assets and your reputation.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Don’t give in to peer pressure. Look for ways to make your money work for you. Have confidence in your ideas and skills, and you will find a window of opportunity that allows you to expand and explore new possibilities.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Get involved in events that allow you to optimize your skills and services. Love is on the rise, and making plans that will bring you closer to someone special will be beneficial in terms of what you receive in return.

Coolest New Features of the iPhone 6

• Siri now provides a constant stream of attention and validation to replace social networking. Also, there’s a new Facebook app.

• Now auto-translates what your significant other said into what they really meant

• Senses when its owner farts, loudly proclaims “That one was Siri’s.”

• Will be able to competently explain the game of cricket to an American.

• Can be fully recharged by placing it in the microwave, on high, for two minutes.

• Sees you when you’re sleeping. Knows when you’re awake. Knows if you’ve been bad or good. Transmits that data to the NSA.

• Autocorrect has been massively revamped, and most common falafel have been fixed.

• Autocorrect also now has a built-in thesaurus that supports “romantically-optimized” sexting, optimization phrases include “engorged member,” “velvety folds,” and “behold my passion.” (Program also automatically replaces all instances of the word “moist” with a better synonym.)

• Transubstantiation.

• Setup questionnaire helps auto-configure your apps. Questions include: “Do you enjoy taking sharing pictures?,” and “Do you prefer jog with GPS enabled?” and “Have you ever danced with the Devil in the pale moonlight?”

• Nearby Waffle Houses are automatically highlighted in all map applications.

• If you receive no texts in an eight-hour period, Siri will tell a life-affirming statement and hold you while you cry.

• Momentarily fills yawning, materialistic void of contemporary American life.

Andrew R. Juhl thanks TB, DH, SAL, and KJ for contributing to today’s Ledge.

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• Book Babies, 10:30 a.m., Iowa City Public Library, 123 S. Linn
• Hallelujah Chorus Sing-Along, noon, UIHC Colloton Atrium
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Annie, 7:30 p.m., Iowa City Community Theater, Johnson County Fairgrounds, 4265 Oak Crest Hill Road
A Christmas Carol, City Circle, 7:30 p.m., Coralville Center for the Performing Arts, 1301 Fifth St.
• Tallgrass, Iowa Shares Benefit, 8 p.m., Englert, 221 E. Washington
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• Scholars and Tyrants, 10 p.m., Yacht Club, 13 S. Linn

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