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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Group discussions will help reveal solutions to concerns you’ve been laboring over. As long as you don’t overreact, you should be able to move forward and accomplish what you set out to do. You will learn a valuable lesson from someone masterful.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Serious discussions can bring any problem you have with someone to a head, clearing the passage for better interaction in the future. Your intense, persuasive, and aggressive tactics will ensure you get the results you want.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Hop to it, and get whatever jobs are expected of you out of the way. Put time aside to do something special with someone who enjoys the same things you do. Physical activities will boost your confidence and enhance your looks.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): A day trip or getting together with someone you don’t get to see very often will feed your curiosity about unique places, people, and pastimes. Make the effort to initiate a new plan of action that will stimulate you personally.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Concentrate on what you can do, not what you cannot. Don’t let responsibilities get you down or stand in your way. Finish what needs to be done, and move on to projects that interest you more. A move will do you good.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Get involved in a cause you believe in or join a group that will help you connect with people who can contribute to your goals. Taking on responsibilities will show others that you have leadership abilities. A beneficial friendship will develop.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Think before you react to what someone does or says. It’s in your best interest to hold your thoughts and put your energy elsewhere. Focus on self-improvement, not trying to change someone else. A day trip will lead to an excellent idea.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): A promise can be made that will help you move on to the next stage of a relationship with someone who shares your concerns, interests, and plans. Alter the way you live to suit your means and lifestyle.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Playful action will help you avoid questions you don’t want to answer. Changes you make at home will be met with opposition if you overspend. Do the work, cut corners, and you will stay within budget. Romance will enhance your love life.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Don’t feel you have to do everything on your own. Rather than fall behind, ask for help. Refrain from making impromptu alterations that are likely to have bitter consequences. Stick close to home, and protect your assets.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Take heed of the advice given, but don’t hesitate to follow through with your plans if you feel confident in the outcome. Property investments, settlements, negotiations, and raising your profile will pay off. Romance will improve your personal life.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Travel and knowledge will present problems for you. A lack of preparation and knowledge or being given false information are apparent. Focus more on self-improvement and building a better rapport with the younger and older people in your life.



Reconsidered Eulogies::

• Andrew never was the kind of man who believed in “brushing his teeth” or “taking his insulin” or “dropping his weapon” when told.

• It would be a comfort to Andrew to know you were all here today. Under your seats, you will each find a hunting knife. The doors have been locked and will not reopen until but one us remains alive. Let the game begin.

• Let us not dwell on how Andrew died, but rather, let us celebrate how he LIVED: perpetually consumed by thoughts of his impending, unavoidable death.

• In a sense, Andrew is still here with us. In a better, more literal sense, Andrew is dead. Dead, dead, deady-dead. So very dead. And smelly.

• Many of you know Andrew from his charity work. The soup kitchens, the food banks, the blood drives … just some of the many local charities Andrew used his vast wealth to see abolished.

• Before I give Andrew’s eulogy, I’d like to recite some eulogies off of my newest album, *The Unmowed Life*.

• A lot of people didn’t know this, but Andrew was very lonely. He’d often call me and endlessly ramble about his loneliness. Of course, those calls always went to voice mail, because I was out with friends. Also, I’m the only one who showed up today, so I’m leaving.

Andrew R. Juhl needs more bed before he becomes more morbid.






>> Click here to submit an event!

• Book Babies, 10:30 a.m., Iowa City Public Library, 123 S. Linn
• Hallelujah Chorus Sing-Along, noon, UIHC Colloton Atrium
• Chess Group, 1 p.m., Uptown Bill’s, 730 S. Dubuque
• Knitting Nurse, 2-4 p.m., Home Ec Workshop, 207 N. Linn
• First Friday Coffeehouse, Iowa Humane Alliance Fundraiser, 5:30 p.m., Beadology, 220 E. Washington
• Graduate College Commencement Ceremony, 7 p.m., Carver-Hawkeye Arena
Annie, 7:30 p.m., Iowa City Community Theater, Johnson County Fairgrounds, 4265 Oak Crest Hill Road
A Christmas Carol, City Circle, 7:30 p.m., Coralville Center for the Performing Arts, 1301 Fifth St.
• Tallgrass, Iowa Shares Benefit, 8 p.m., Englert, 221 E. Washington
• Item 9 & the Mad Hatters CD Release Party, 9 p.m., Gabe’s, 330 E. Washington
• Salsa, 9 p.m., Wildwood, 4919 Walleye N.E.
• Scholars and Tyrants, 10 p.m., Yacht Club, 13 S. Linn


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