New Feature! Sudoku below Horoscopes and Ledge, play online or print it out!

ARIES (March 21-April 19): You may have to stretch your time in order to take care of business and not neglect important relationships. Spreading yourself successfully among personal and professional demands will encourage confidence as well as emotional and monetary gains.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Secrets must be kept if you want to avoid backlash. A lack of trust will ensue if you are suggestive or misleading. Stick to the facts, and do the best job possible. Call in a favor and do extra research.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Get physical, and see how much you accomplish. Take the initiative to make things happen, and offer help unconditionally. Concentrate on what you can do, not on the obstacles that stand in your way. Love without motive or possessiveness.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): You can expect to face opposition. Don't waste your time arguing or fighting a losing battle. Use your intuition to guide you in a direction that will bring you greater stability and encourage solid partnerships. Put love first.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Making a move or a change to the way you live will have its benefits. Opportunities will arise, but so will obstacles. Stick close to home or to those you love, trust, and want to do business with. Follow your dreams.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Your desire to help others is admirable, but make sure that your recipients are worthy of your hard work, dedication, and sacrifice. Partnerships appear to be abundant but questionable. Do your research, and check for hidden motives.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Discipline will be required. A tendency to overdo it mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially will lead to setbacks. Change can and should be initiated that will separate you from any poor influences you have. A force play will develop if you procrastinate.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): A tug-of-war will take place if you go up against authority figures or oppose someone in charge. Let body language and intuition guide you to make the right choice. Avoid trouble, and you will be able to explore interesting possibilities.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Use your head, your knowledge, and know-how to reap the benefits you deserve. An emotional situation will be based on false information; don't get trapped in a melodrama that leads to regret. Put self-improvement ahead of trying to improve others.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Listen attentively, but don't take action. Hold your thoughts, and refrain from trying to control an unpredictable situation. Let things unfold naturally, and when the dust settles, you can make your move. Use experience to guide you.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Look into investments, and set up meetings that can lead to a higher income or better money management. A settlement or package deal may be tempting, but it should be considered carefully. You are in the driver's seat, so take your time.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Be open and receptive to new people, places and opportunities. Don't let anyone sway you or push you in a direction that isn't in your best interest. Be smart, and work to get the best deal and ensure your future success.

A partial list of things I should probably tell every prospective girlfriend:

• I think the idea that we "evolved" from "earlier" primates is ludicrous because I throw my poop at people with an overhand motion, and nothing in evolutionary theory accounts for that.

• Few men look sexier in (or have more) Cheetos-stained tighty-whities than me.

• The second I realize I've missed a bus/train/flight, I immediately think about how happy I'll be if it crashes.

• Whenever a waitress or female bartender/barista gives me anything for free, I always assume it's because they want to sleep with me, not because they made a simple, everyday human error — such as wanting to sleep with me.

• If you ever want to know who would win in a fight between two fictional characters, I probably have some thoughts on the subject.

• I've never been turned on by (or understood the fetish of) licking chocolate syrup and/or whipped cream off my lover's naked body. A well-seasoned shrimp risotto, however …

• I try not to eat while I sleep so that I don't feel bad pigging out at breakfast. The operative word here is "try."

• I don't trust people who like a lot of pulp in their orange juice; I have a sneaking suspicion they're actually alien infiltrators from a planet of humanoid baleen whales.

Andrew R. Juhl is a palindrome for something meaningless.

>> Click here to submit an event!

• Book Babies, 10:30 a.m., Iowa City Public Library, 123 S. Linn
• Hallelujah Chorus Sing-Along, noon, UIHC Colloton Atrium
• Chess Group, 1 p.m., Uptown Bill’s, 730 S. Dubuque
• Knitting Nurse, 2-4 p.m., Home Ec Workshop, 207 N. Linn
• First Friday Coffeehouse, Iowa Humane Alliance Fundraiser, 5:30 p.m., Beadology, 220 E. Washington
• Graduate College Commencement Ceremony, 7 p.m., Carver-Hawkeye Arena
Annie, 7:30 p.m., Iowa City Community Theater, Johnson County Fairgrounds, 4265 Oak Crest Hill Road
A Christmas Carol, City Circle, 7:30 p.m., Coralville Center for the Performing Arts, 1301 Fifth St.
• Tallgrass, Iowa Shares Benefit, 8 p.m., Englert, 221 E. Washington
• Item 9 & the Mad Hatters CD Release Party, 9 p.m., Gabe’s, 330 E. Washington
• Salsa, 9 p.m., Wildwood, 4919 Walleye N.E.
• Scholars and Tyrants, 10 p.m., Yacht Club, 13 S. Linn

In today's issue:

Privacy Policy (8/15/07) | Terms of Use (4/28/08) | Content Submission Agreement (8/23/07) | Copyright Compliance Policy (8/25/07) | RSS Terms of Use

Copyright © The Daily Iowan, All Rights Reserved.