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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Keep an open mind. A positive, enthusiastic approach to a situation will help you avoid an argument. A willingness to compromise and work alongside others will help you achieve goals and avoid unnecessary upset and opposition. Romance is highlighted.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Take care of your responsibilities. Follow through with a promise you made, and be sure not to divulge a secret you've been trusted to keep. Ask questions and gather information that will help you expand your knowledge.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Stick to the task you've been given. Uncertainty will lead to a poor choice. You are best to do your work, say little, and wait until you are fully satisfied with the work you have done before presenting it to others.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Concentrate on getting ahead. Refuse to take on someone else's job when you have your own to complete. The work you do must be your best if you want to be considered for advancement. Don't alter your plans because someone is unpredictable.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Make changes based on the information you gather and what you learn by observing others. A change at home will play in your favor. Fixing up your surroundings will make you feel more at home. Romance will improve your personal life.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Avoid joint ventures or mixing business with pleasure. Spend more time expanding your interests and building your relationships with people who share your beliefs and goals. Rely on your business savvy to point you in the right direction.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Set your sights on what you want to see unfold, and make it happen. Travel, communications, and making personal changes should be at the top of your to-do list. Love is highlighted, along with self-improvement and socializing.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Make choices based on the way you feel. Your intuition won't let you down. Learning will come easy if you step back and watch the mistakes others make. A personal investment can alter how or where you live.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Listen carefully, and say as little as possible. Confusion is apparent if you get into discussions. Don't believe everything you hear. Make the changes at home that will help secure your financial position, not put you further in debt.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Moderation and simplicity will be required if you want to avoid a scene. Arguing will lead to a no-win situation. Put more effort into completing your work and nurturing important partnerships. Don't be afraid to take the road less traveled.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Prepare to make whatever changes are required in order to reach your goal. There is money to be made if you put in extra hours. Clear a workspace at home that you can use to develop a part-time business.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Keeping a secret will buy you time and help you avoid emotional upset. Developing an interest you have will open up new possibilities that can add to your income. Socializing with friends or getting together with your lover will ease stress.



Reconsidered Eulogies:

• Andrew never was the kind of man who believed in "brushing his teeth" or "taking his insulin" or "dropping his weapon" when told.

• It would be a comfort to Andrew to know you were all here today. Under your seats, you will each find a hunting knife. The doors have been locked and will not reopen until but one us remains alive. Let the game begin.

• Let us not dwell on how Andrew died, but rather, let us celebrate how he LIVED: perpetually consumed by thoughts of his impending, unavoidable death.

• In a sense, Andrew is still here with us. In a better, more literal sense, Andrew is dead. Dead, dead, deady-dead. So very dead. And smelly.

• Many of you know Andrew from his charity work. The soup kitchens, the food banks, the blood drives … just some of the many local charities Andrew used his vast wealth to see abolished.

• Before I give Andrew's eulogy, I'd like to recite some eulogies off of my newest album, The Unmowed Life.

• A lot of people didn't know this, but Andrew was very lonely. He'd often call me and endlessly ramble about his loneliness. Of course, those calls always went to voice mail, because I was out with friends. Also, I'm the only one who showed up today, so I'm leaving.

Andrew R. Juhl needs more bed before he becomes more morbid.






>> Click here to submit an event!

• Book Babies, 10:30 a.m., Iowa City Public Library, 123 S. Linn
• Hallelujah Chorus Sing-Along, noon, UIHC Colloton Atrium
• Chess Group, 1 p.m., Uptown Bill’s, 730 S. Dubuque
• Knitting Nurse, 2-4 p.m., Home Ec Workshop, 207 N. Linn
• First Friday Coffeehouse, Iowa Humane Alliance Fundraiser, 5:30 p.m., Beadology, 220 E. Washington
• Graduate College Commencement Ceremony, 7 p.m., Carver-Hawkeye Arena
Annie, 7:30 p.m., Iowa City Community Theater, Johnson County Fairgrounds, 4265 Oak Crest Hill Road
A Christmas Carol, City Circle, 7:30 p.m., Coralville Center for the Performing Arts, 1301 Fifth St.
• Tallgrass, Iowa Shares Benefit, 8 p.m., Englert, 221 E. Washington
• Item 9 & the Mad Hatters CD Release Party, 9 p.m., Gabe’s, 330 E. Washington
• Salsa, 9 p.m., Wildwood, 4919 Walleye N.E.
• Scholars and Tyrants, 10 p.m., Yacht Club, 13 S. Linn


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