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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Initiate changes that will help you advance and bring you greater respect professionally. Put a little finesse into the way you present how you look, what you have to offer, and what you know, and you will attract positive attention.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Be receptive to what's offered. You may not want to make a move, but if it's in your best interest, you should consider the advantages. Learning, teaching, and travel will all contribute to a decision you make.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Don't be too vague, or you will miss out on an opportunity. Share what you can offer, and give a little hands-on show of the possibilities that exist. Being adaptable and versatile will help you win favors. Leave time for romance.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Protect your financial investments. You are better to be a little conservative in your approach to spending. Negotiations can go in your favor if you look at the fine print and make satisfactory adjustments. Consider a unique lifestyle.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Jump into action. Make abrupt changes that will shake things up and let others know that you mean business. An entrepreneurial attitude will give you the edge you need against competition. A relationship based on emotional, mental, and physical attraction is highlighted.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Say little, and listen carefully. You'll face communication problems that can make you look bad. Direct questions will help you filter through what's true and what's false. Rely on what you discover, not what someone wants you to believe.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Take a mini vacation, or participate in something that inspires you to be more active. Your charm will attract someone special. Children or someone elderly will play a role in your life or a decision you must make.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Size up your situation, and prepare to cut corners that will help stabilize your financial situation. Don't feel obliged to support someone putting demands on your time or money. Look at the big picture, and take a leap of faith.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Get to the bottom of any difference you are having with someone. A lack of information will be at the root of your problem. Be prepared to make changes at home to accommodate a better and healthier life.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Take a unique path that will allow you to use everything you've experienced and what you have mastered through hard work, and you will find an interesting way to improve your status or reputation. Don't let someone's change of plans deter you.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Put what you know into practice. You can make professional changes that will help you raise your standard of living. Love, romance, and self-improvement are your salvation. Do your best to create a relaxed atmosphere to share with someone special.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Personal changes are overdue. Get the ball rolling before you are forced to do so by an outside influence. Don't hold back when it comes to creative self-expression. Share your feelings and your ideas with others, and learn from the suggestions and advice offered.

Re-examining well-known sayings:

• "A watched pot never boils." Though it might get angry and call you a stalker.

• "Do what you love, and the money will follow." This is doubly true if you love knocking over convenience stores.

• "Everything happens for a reason." When people tell you this, they're basically giving you permission to stab them in the face.

• "I complained I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet." He sold me a great pair of shoes.

• "Keep your friends close, your enemies closer." Your arch nemesis? A papoose.

• "People living in glass houses shouldn't throw stones." No matter how much they hate birds.

• "Some see the glass as half-empty, others as half-full." All I see is a shitty bartender.

• "Sometimes when you assume, you only make an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me.' " Though usually you'll just save us both quite a bit of time.

• "Time heals all wounds." Death is the ultimate cure.

• "Uneasy lies the head that bears a crown." Heavy is the head that's borne by an American.

• "What's done is done." What's done is royally screwed up.

• "You can't judge a book by its cover." But you can usually tell what it's gonna cost you.

Andrew R. Juhl didn't re-examine these sayings so much as examine them crossly.

>> Click here to submit an event!

• Book Babies, 10:30 a.m., Iowa City Public Library, 123 S. Linn
• Hallelujah Chorus Sing-Along, noon, UIHC Colloton Atrium
• Chess Group, 1 p.m., Uptown Bill’s, 730 S. Dubuque
• Knitting Nurse, 2-4 p.m., Home Ec Workshop, 207 N. Linn
• First Friday Coffeehouse, Iowa Humane Alliance Fundraiser, 5:30 p.m., Beadology, 220 E. Washington
• Graduate College Commencement Ceremony, 7 p.m., Carver-Hawkeye Arena
Annie, 7:30 p.m., Iowa City Community Theater, Johnson County Fairgrounds, 4265 Oak Crest Hill Road
A Christmas Carol, City Circle, 7:30 p.m., Coralville Center for the Performing Arts, 1301 Fifth St.
• Tallgrass, Iowa Shares Benefit, 8 p.m., Englert, 221 E. Washington
• Item 9 & the Mad Hatters CD Release Party, 9 p.m., Gabe’s, 330 E. Washington
• Salsa, 9 p.m., Wildwood, 4919 Walleye N.E.
• Scholars and Tyrants, 10 p.m., Yacht Club, 13 S. Linn

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