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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Keep moving at a rapid rate, and you'll reach your destination, whether it is emotional, physical, or mental. You'll grab attention along the way, but don't slow down to bask in the limelight when there is so much to do. Stay focused.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Take heed of the advice offered. You don't have to follow through, but it will give you the input that you need to tweak your plans. Romance is in the stars, and taking time to say "I love you" will pay off.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Your thirst for adventure and desire to scope out new people, places, and pleasures can lead to confusion. Pick and choose what you do next. Change can be good, but you must remember what your true motives are.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Take a creative approach to everything you do and say. Having the wisdom to realize your options will help you get ahead. Don't let anyone take you for granted. Give demanding people direction rather than doing their work for them.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Do your thing, but don't let your emotions come between you and making a good choice. Romantic encounters may be costly if you mix business with pleasure. Travel and socializing will bring you the insight and desire to set your plans in motion.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Hustle and stay on top of whatever it is you are asked to do or that will bring you greater freedom and clout. Be leery of joint financial ventures. Keep your money separate if you expect to make it grow.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Assess your current personal and professional situations. You may have a unique idea, but if you are unwilling to do the work, you will not get the credit. Don't pass off work that you should be doing on your own.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Let your imagination wander and turn your ideas and thoughts into reality. Don't be afraid to do things a little differently. It's your uniqueness that will draw attention and offers. Make plans to do something special with the one you love.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Being receptive and a good listener is what will help you change other people's opinions. Live and learn what will fit your situation and help you make your way through a maze that has not been honest or straightforward. Hang in there.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Don't let things get to you. Someone is likely to get or give you the wrong impression. Don't be too quick to judge. Take a moment to review what's happened and how you can make the most of your situation.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Participate and show interest, and you will stand out and meet someone just as innovative as you. The experiences you share will get people thinking about making personal improvements. Be the one to spark enthusiasm, and you will get things done.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Don't let anyone misguide you. Get motivated and take action. Waiting for someone to make the first move will put you behind when you should be in the lead. Don't sit back; pursue your dreams.



A partial list of things I should probably tell every prospective girlfriend:

• I fit into the same insecurities I wore in high school.

• My train of thought often becomes disastrously derailed, then spreads its toxic idea cargo all over my mental countryside, mutating my brain cows.

• Not only do I judge other people, I judge them based on well judge people.

• When it comes to pretzels, I only eat Snyder's of Scranton. They're a quite a bit harder to come by, taste exactly the same, and are exorbitantly more expensive, but they make me marginally cooler than the guy next to me — and that's all that really matters in life, right?

• Vagueness is more or less one of the things I hate most.

• I strongly feel that I deserve more entitlement.

• Sometimes, I create new idioms and attempt to popularize them for the sake of attribution; that's just how this worm zigzags.

• I ooze charm. Rancid, semi-gelatinous charm.

• If I had a nickel for every time I've had to apologize because I ran over an ex-girlfriend's cat or dog, buried it in her yard before she came home from work, and tried replacing it with a plushie facsimile, I would have approximately 15 cents.

• I've been hate-watching the current season of my diet.

Andrew R. Juhl is a palindrome for something meaningless.






>> Click here to submit an event!

• Book Babies, 10:30 a.m., Iowa City Public Library, 123 S. Linn
• Hallelujah Chorus Sing-Along, noon, UIHC Colloton Atrium
• Chess Group, 1 p.m., Uptown Bill’s, 730 S. Dubuque
• Knitting Nurse, 2-4 p.m., Home Ec Workshop, 207 N. Linn
• First Friday Coffeehouse, Iowa Humane Alliance Fundraiser, 5:30 p.m., Beadology, 220 E. Washington
• Graduate College Commencement Ceremony, 7 p.m., Carver-Hawkeye Arena
Annie, 7:30 p.m., Iowa City Community Theater, Johnson County Fairgrounds, 4265 Oak Crest Hill Road
A Christmas Carol, City Circle, 7:30 p.m., Coralville Center for the Performing Arts, 1301 Fifth St.
• Tallgrass, Iowa Shares Benefit, 8 p.m., Englert, 221 E. Washington
• Item 9 & the Mad Hatters CD Release Party, 9 p.m., Gabe’s, 330 E. Washington
• Salsa, 9 p.m., Wildwood, 4919 Walleye N.E.
• Scholars and Tyrants, 10 p.m., Yacht Club, 13 S. Linn


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