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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Sharing is fine, but only if you receive something of equal value in return. Resentment will set in if you have been taken for granted. Protect your possessions, and refrain from donating. It's time to put your needs first.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Keep your conversations light and free from gossip. Don't make promises that will end up causing emotional stress. Acquiring knowledge will open doors to new friendships. Changes must be made for the right reasons in order to bring the best results.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Don't let laziness or a lack of realism stand between you and your success. Stick to what you do best, and focus on getting ahead; you will reach your goal. The motives behind someone's assistance may be questionable.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): You'll have to be imaginative and prepared to wheel and deal in order to get things done on time and to your satisfaction. Simplicity, directness, and affordability should all be incorporated into whatever you decide to pursue.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Whether money is owed to you or by you, it's time to pay up. Set a budget or payment plan that is doable for you or the person who owes you. A partnership will falter if equality isn't maintained.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Socialize with people who have something to offer. Put greater emphasis on the way you present and promote who you are, how you look, and what you have to offer. Love is on the rise, and romance will brighten your personal life.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Participation will make the difference. You can sit back and wait, or you can be forward and go after what you want. Don't let a lazy attitude or demanding people be the reason you remain stationary. The pressure is on to get cracking.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): It's important to ask for a straight answer when dealing with emotional matters. Don't confuse issues by making excuses or letting others get away with something that will ultimately end up being your responsibility. Take action.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Address issues that have been hanging over your head. Be proactive and precise, and you will get to the bottom of a situation that needs proper attention. Make a good decision, move, or change in your life.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Weed out confusion by taking care of business pertaining to your past. Whether it is an investment that needs to be altered or a friendship that is dragging you down, the time to act is now. Protect your position and your rights.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Look, see, and do. Don't wait to be told or for someone else to take over. Size up your situation, and do something about it. Whether you are concerned with a health, financial, or legal issue, now is the time to act.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): An unpredictable attitude will confuse the people around you. You may know what you are striving to achieve, but someone looking out for you may not be able to see the method behind the measures you are taking. Share your thoughts.

I'm so white …

• When I go for a swim, people ask me to wear a shirt. Not so I don't burn, but so they don't.

• My SPF number is "Bathrobe."

• Goth kids ask me for tips on foundation.

• When I blush, cars screech to a halt in confusion.

• I make my bed sheets jealous.

• When I go outside after being indoors too long, the Sun squints.

• My wedding dress could be my birthday suit.

• Whenever I walk down a hallway, Christians instinctively run toward me.

• Flowers bend toward me on shady days.

• My neighbors keep submitting my condo to be on "Ghost Hunters."

• I never have to worry if there's still coke on my nostrils.

• I've been banned from interrogations by the Geneva Conventions.

• Powder was a wildly inaccurate portrayal of my life.

• My veins are on Google Maps.

• What you call the tropics I call the "no-fly zone."

• They call my condition "melanone."

• I wait for a quarter moon to tan.

• I'm often mistaken for Pat Boone.

Andrew R. Juhl thanks Mallory Smith, Roxy Running, Dana Christopher, Erik S. Johnson, and Duane Larson for contributing to today's Ledge.

>> Click here to submit an event!

• Book Babies, 10:30 a.m., Iowa City Public Library, 123 S. Linn
• Hallelujah Chorus Sing-Along, noon, UIHC Colloton Atrium
• Chess Group, 1 p.m., Uptown Bill’s, 730 S. Dubuque
• Knitting Nurse, 2-4 p.m., Home Ec Workshop, 207 N. Linn
• First Friday Coffeehouse, Iowa Humane Alliance Fundraiser, 5:30 p.m., Beadology, 220 E. Washington
• Graduate College Commencement Ceremony, 7 p.m., Carver-Hawkeye Arena
Annie, 7:30 p.m., Iowa City Community Theater, Johnson County Fairgrounds, 4265 Oak Crest Hill Road
A Christmas Carol, City Circle, 7:30 p.m., Coralville Center for the Performing Arts, 1301 Fifth St.
• Tallgrass, Iowa Shares Benefit, 8 p.m., Englert, 221 E. Washington
• Item 9 & the Mad Hatters CD Release Party, 9 p.m., Gabe’s, 330 E. Washington
• Salsa, 9 p.m., Wildwood, 4919 Walleye N.E.
• Scholars and Tyrants, 10 p.m., Yacht Club, 13 S. Linn

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