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ARIES (March 21-April 19): You will face opposition if you aren't willing to compromise. Don't let a trivial situation turn into a major argument. Focus on personal change, not trying to change others. Plan your actions and choose your words wisely.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You shouldn't have to go far to find a little excitement. Check out what's going on in your community, and take part in events that interest you. The time you spend volunteering or helping others will lead to valuable opportunities.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You are best to take a pass if someone tries to interest you in a pricey item that promises the impossible. Concentrate on completing your work and taking care of important responsibilities. Proving how valuable you are will ensure greater stability.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Discuss your plans, and get the ball rolling. Do your research, and find out exactly what's required of you in order to reach your goals. A friend you encounter will be interested in getting involved in a project you want to pursue.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Don't ignore what you can do. The possibilities are endless, and if you put your mind to it, you can accomplish a lot and stay within your budget. Home or personal improvements will add value to your assets. Good fortune is within reach.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Make your mark by helping a cause you believe in or someone in need. Your ability to find solutions will make you something of a hero. A unique partnership will give you the boost you need to forge ahead and finish an important project.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Don't gossip or get involved in office politics. Focus on what you need to get done. Protect your reputation, and refrain from making unrealistic promises. It's important to follow through with your plans to avoid looking wishy-washy

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Choose whatever direction or project you feel will bring you the greatest creative space and the most adventure. If you enjoy what you are doing, it will be that much easier to get ahead. Give your personal life a boost with a little romance.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Take care of legal, contractual, or financial matters swiftly. Leaving room to let a negative issue escalate will lead to undue stress. Make changes at home that better suit your likes and lifestyle. Stay within your budget.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Your intuition will help you decide whom can be trusted and whom to avoid. A work matter or business partnership will reveal information that will contribute to a decision you need to make. A unique twist to the way you do things will pay off.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Productivity will determine how far you get and whom you impress. Push, present, and promote your ideas. Procrastinating will cost you dearly when it comes to advancement. Take the initiative, especially when money is at stake.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Put money matters, contracts, and settlements first. Once you've taken care of personal business, you will be free to share your good fortune with the people you enjoy being with the most. Love is in the stars.



A partial list of things I should probably tell every prospective girlfriend:

• "This might not suck." is about as optimistic as I get.

• I have a wrestler's body. It's in my basement.

• I refuse to shave my chest because real men know how to tweeze.

• Whenever I make a unilateral decision regarding OUR relationship, you must always remember: I just want what's best for me.

• If you get a new haircut on the same day you also become the world's greatest ninja, I am 10 million times more likely to notice that you've become the world's greatest ninja.

• I use prescription glasses: two Paxil each morning.

• On average, I'd say I compare myself to Raven-Symoné six or seven times each day.

• If I have one flaw as a person, it's that I'm too perfect.

• I stopped going to Catholic confession the same day I discovered guilt-free cookies.

• When making out, I will hickey my name onto your cleavage. It's my signature move.

• I'm afraid of exactly three things: zombies, marriage, and being married to a zombie.

• I get most of my exercise by feigning interest.

• I may not have a lot of money, but what I do have is something far more valuable: a chest full of gold bullion.

Andrew R. Juhl is great in bed. Unless you want sex.






>> Click here to submit an event!

• Book Babies, 10:30 a.m., Iowa City Public Library, 123 S. Linn
• Hallelujah Chorus Sing-Along, noon, UIHC Colloton Atrium
• Chess Group, 1 p.m., Uptown Bill’s, 730 S. Dubuque
• Knitting Nurse, 2-4 p.m., Home Ec Workshop, 207 N. Linn
• First Friday Coffeehouse, Iowa Humane Alliance Fundraiser, 5:30 p.m., Beadology, 220 E. Washington
• Graduate College Commencement Ceremony, 7 p.m., Carver-Hawkeye Arena
Annie, 7:30 p.m., Iowa City Community Theater, Johnson County Fairgrounds, 4265 Oak Crest Hill Road
A Christmas Carol, City Circle, 7:30 p.m., Coralville Center for the Performing Arts, 1301 Fifth St.
• Tallgrass, Iowa Shares Benefit, 8 p.m., Englert, 221 E. Washington
• Item 9 & the Mad Hatters CD Release Party, 9 p.m., Gabe’s, 330 E. Washington
• Salsa, 9 p.m., Wildwood, 4919 Walleye N.E.
• Scholars and Tyrants, 10 p.m., Yacht Club, 13 S. Linn


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