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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Make an effort, and enforce change that will help you begin the year on a positive note. Don't let the past drag you down when you should speak up and move forward. It's up to you to make things happen.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Hang out with creative people, and it will influence the way you approach jobs and your life. Let your emotions rise to the surface so you can share what you want and how you feel. Romance will improve your personal position.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Offer your skills, services, or physical assistance, but don't meddle in anyone's personal affairs. There will be a fine line between help and taking over. How you handle matters now will determine what you get in return in the future.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Accept the inevitable, and focus on the things you can do to improve your life, your financial situation, and your future. Use your imagination, and you will come up with an innovative idea that will spin you in a favorable direction.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Do something different. Find an entertaining way to spend your day. Getting involved in something that moves you or taking a trip that motivates you to parlay your talents in a direction that will bring you fulfillment should be your goal.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Get out, and do things that will make you feel good. Attending an event or party will lead to a positive emotional encounter. Don't let any domestic worries get you down. Time will heal an unsettled situation, and love is on the rise.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Discuss concerns openly. It's important to come to an agreement before you put too much time or energy into something. Expect to feel pressured by someone at work or at home. Listen attentively, but make decisions based on practicality.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Take a moment to recap what's happened this year. You'll learn from the experiences you have encountered and will realize who is important to you. An update regarding old friends will encourage you to make plans to get together.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Fix up the house, and prepare to entertain as the year comes to a close. Getting into the spirit of the season will bring about positive changes that set the stage for a good time with friends and family.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The time you take to spend with the ones you love the most will be appreciated. You can make some practical adjustments to the way you live that will ensure you have greater cash flow in the months to come.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Do whatever it takes to secure your position and to improve your reputation. Don't let emotional matters swell out of proportion, causing friction between you and someone you care about. Make positive financial changes to improve your standard of living.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): You will find great buys if you go shopping, but make your purchases based on your research, not a sales pitch. An interesting proposition will cross your path. You'll find a way to take advantage of what's being offered.

We hold these truths to be self-evident (and a little nerdy):

• Of all of Batman's nicknames, he probably hates "BM" the most.

• Superman can't also be a quality journalist, can he? And if he is, that's just … not fair. Like, it's OK to be bad at SOMETHING, Clark.

• You really need to hand it to the samurai. Of all the ways to possibly regain one's honor through suicide, seppuku has got to be the gutsiest.

• What a lot of people don't know about Gil Scott-Heron is that he made a ton of money by investing in Samsung shortly before the television was revolutionized.

• Cher's a jerk. Given the ability to turn back time, she'd only use it to meet selfish goals instead of trying to kill Hitler. (Though, to be fair, maybe she's just not sure of her Hitler-killing plans and doesn't want to fail, leaving the Nazis in possession of time-traveling device. Assertion reversed: Cher is history's greatest hero.)

• People are being too little hard on Béla Fleck; I, for one, think he'll make a fantastic Batman.

• Allan Lee Litman, the inventor of Mace, has blinded a lot of people with science.

• Billy Joel's fantastic lyrics aside, Piano Man is maybe the worst superhero ever — just behind Jubilee.

Andrew R. Juhl thanks LTD for only semi-begrudgingly acting as my joke sounding board.

>> Click here to submit an event!

• Book Babies, 10:30 a.m., Iowa City Public Library, 123 S. Linn
• Hallelujah Chorus Sing-Along, noon, UIHC Colloton Atrium
• Chess Group, 1 p.m., Uptown Bill’s, 730 S. Dubuque
• Knitting Nurse, 2-4 p.m., Home Ec Workshop, 207 N. Linn
• First Friday Coffeehouse, Iowa Humane Alliance Fundraiser, 5:30 p.m., Beadology, 220 E. Washington
• Graduate College Commencement Ceremony, 7 p.m., Carver-Hawkeye Arena
Annie, 7:30 p.m., Iowa City Community Theater, Johnson County Fairgrounds, 4265 Oak Crest Hill Road
A Christmas Carol, City Circle, 7:30 p.m., Coralville Center for the Performing Arts, 1301 Fifth St.
• Tallgrass, Iowa Shares Benefit, 8 p.m., Englert, 221 E. Washington
• Item 9 & the Mad Hatters CD Release Party, 9 p.m., Gabe’s, 330 E. Washington
• Salsa, 9 p.m., Wildwood, 4919 Walleye N.E.
• Scholars and Tyrants, 10 p.m., Yacht Club, 13 S. Linn

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