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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Stay alert, and be ready to make last-minute changes if necessary. Good fortune will be yours if you are astute, articulate, and on top of your game. Keep your spending low and your intake high. Follow your head, not your heart.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Get started early, and don't stop until you have completed everything on your work list. A chance to look for something that will boost your confidence or update your look will bring about a welcome surprise. Love is in the stars.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Go where the action is, and welcome any challenge that comes your way. Your persistence and bravado will help you connect with people who can change your future. The signal you send should be accurate and intentional.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Don't leave work unfinished. Consistency will help secure your position. Now is not the time to slow down, but instead is the moment of truth on what you have and are willing to offer. Romance will lead to an enchanting evening.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Don't give in or give up. Spend what you can afford, nothing more. Take a break from people pressuring you or asking for too much. Good friends and a little entertainment will help turn a demanding day into an eventful evening.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Get out and about. You will find great bargains if you shop and interesting information if you research or take part in industry events. Romance is on the rise. Socializing with people who have commonalities will lead to good times.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Travel plans or engaging in social events will give you a chance to interact with people from unique backgrounds. Avoid a feud by staying out of a debate that develops among peers or friends. Physical activity will bring about positive changes.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Fix up your place. Comfort and practicality will make you feel at home and encourage you to entertain more. Your relationship with friends, relatives, and neighbors will improve if you offer hospitality and cheer. Love is on the rise.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Make a quick decision and a fast move. Idle time will lead to trouble. Figure out your strategy, and don't waste time pursuing your goal. A change at home or work appears to be beneficial. Talks will be successful.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Good times are in order. Hospitality will show your heart is in the right place. Don't feel you have to make a change because of what others do. Be true to yourself, and you will not be led astray. Protect what's yours.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Don't let money slip through your fingers. Impulse purchases will lead to the poorhouse. Concentrate on ways you can put your talents and skills to better use and earn more in return. Set up a budget, and stick to it.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Act on instinct, and judge others by how consistent and reliable they are. You can expand your plans and explore new endeavors, but you are best not to get involved in a joint venture. Don't mix business with pleasure.

Random thoughts:

• Whenever my smart phone is dead because I plugged it into a charger that was itself not plugged into an outlet, I feel like I should get whatever the opposite of a raise at work is.

• OK, I've had enough of this origin-story shit. When do I get my superpowers?

• What's the real-world ratio of (a) people with a tin of Altoids in their bag to (b) people with a tin of "Altoids" in their bag? It's got to be pretty close to 1:1, right?

• Few other professionals are as highly stressed, underpaid, and overworked as teachers. As such, I think it only prudent we start arming them.

• FUN EXPERIMENT: Go to a townie dive bar at 2 in the afternoon, put $10 in the jukebox, and just queue up "Glory Days" as many times as that'll buy you. See how long it takes for the first person to start crying/angrily throw his beer against the wall. My personal best is 23 minutes (5.41 GDs).

• Now that it is understood what the fox says, I think we — as a nation — need to return our focus to researching just what, exactly, haters gonna do.

• Ever been having a bad day, but then you hear one of your favorite songs, and all of a sudden you feel a lot better? That's because feelings are stupid.

• Lindsay Lohan is aging like a fine wino.

Andrew R. Juhl is aging like a fine, high-pitched whine.

>> Click here to submit an event!

• Book Babies, 10:30 a.m., Iowa City Public Library, 123 S. Linn
• Hallelujah Chorus Sing-Along, noon, UIHC Colloton Atrium
• Chess Group, 1 p.m., Uptown Bill’s, 730 S. Dubuque
• Knitting Nurse, 2-4 p.m., Home Ec Workshop, 207 N. Linn
• First Friday Coffeehouse, Iowa Humane Alliance Fundraiser, 5:30 p.m., Beadology, 220 E. Washington
• Graduate College Commencement Ceremony, 7 p.m., Carver-Hawkeye Arena
Annie, 7:30 p.m., Iowa City Community Theater, Johnson County Fairgrounds, 4265 Oak Crest Hill Road
A Christmas Carol, City Circle, 7:30 p.m., Coralville Center for the Performing Arts, 1301 Fifth St.
• Tallgrass, Iowa Shares Benefit, 8 p.m., Englert, 221 E. Washington
• Item 9 & the Mad Hatters CD Release Party, 9 p.m., Gabe’s, 330 E. Washington
• Salsa, 9 p.m., Wildwood, 4919 Walleye N.E.
• Scholars and Tyrants, 10 p.m., Yacht Club, 13 S. Linn

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