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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Work on relationships. Set up rules and responsibilities, and keep equality in mind. Think about the changes you want to make with regard to where or how you live. Back away from anyone who has been dragging you down.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Express your ideas through your actions. Take ideas from your past, and revamp and reuse to fit your current needs. A personal relationship, along with a plan you want to pursue, should be developed and put into play. Love is highlighted.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Disillusionment will surface regarding a job or task you have to perform. Make any adjustments required to ensure that you get things right the first time around. Uncertainty will need straight communication to be resolved. Anger will create delays.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Spend time with friends, family, and peers, and you will boost your confidence. Opportunities are present if you display an earnest pursuit of your goals. Romance is in the stars, and it will do wonders for your ego and your love life.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Speak from the heart. Address issues openly and honestly. There is no room for error when dealing with relationships or domestic issues. Don't take on what you cannot handle. Make decisions and changes you know you can manage.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Lend a helping hand, and you will get a rare opportunity to witness something special. A change in the way you feel about monetary possessions will help you put some personal changes you want to make into perspective. Live, love, and laugh.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Use what you have done in the past to help you move forward now. Refuse to let anyone belittle what you have to offer. Believe in your intelligence, knowledge, and attributes, and pursue your goals. Research will help build your confidence.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): A unique change at home will add to your comfort and please someone you love. Invest in an idea that allows you to use your skills in unusual ways. Get involved in events that allow you to interact with people who have something to offer.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Face situations head-on. Expect to meet with opposition, and be prepared to make the changes necessary to accommodate the results you want to see. Strive to make room for new endeavors.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Accommodate others, and you will end up getting exactly what you want. Your ability to charm and maneuver your own ideas into place will lead to an interesting and prosperous partnership. Don't pay for someone else's mistake.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Don't share your plans with others if you want to avoid meddling. A partnership will be under pressure because of the changes you feel are important to your emotional well-being. Tempers are likely to escalate if you are too vocal.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): A partnership will suffer if you cannot agree on the changes you want to make, neglect your responsibilities, or renege on a promise. A sudden change of heart can be expected if you don't hold up your end of a bargain.

To make a long story short:

• … change all of the characters to Hobbits.

• … add six more words to your already long-ass story.

• … rmv ll th vwls.

• … make the font smaller.

• … try to tell it before the waiter comes back with the food.

• … make it a Joss Whedon show on Fox.

• … die in the middle of telling it.

• … don't let George R.R. Martin ANYWHERE NEAR IT.

• … is a good way to gloss over the somewhat overt racism of the original story.

• … make it about an individual's experience as a Defense Against the Dark Arts professor.

• … pump it full of coffee at a young age

• … don't let me tell it to you for like, I dunno, three weeks or so. Then, call me in the morning and tell me you really want hear the story as soon as I get home. Let me know you're hoping I take a good, long time telling it you because you've be waiting all day to hear it, wearing nothing but teeny red negligee. Thirty-five seconds after I get home, the story's over.

• … the butler did it.

Andrew R. Juhl thanks Mallory Smith, Adam Burton, Shawn Harmsen, and Kyle Johnson for contributing to today's Ledge.

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• Book Babies, 10:30 a.m., Iowa City Public Library, 123 S. Linn
• Hallelujah Chorus Sing-Along, noon, UIHC Colloton Atrium
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Annie, 7:30 p.m., Iowa City Community Theater, Johnson County Fairgrounds, 4265 Oak Crest Hill Road
A Christmas Carol, City Circle, 7:30 p.m., Coralville Center for the Performing Arts, 1301 Fifth St.
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• Item 9 & the Mad Hatters CD Release Party, 9 p.m., Gabe’s, 330 E. Washington
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• Scholars and Tyrants, 10 p.m., Yacht Club, 13 S. Linn

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