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Elliot: Website on the car roof

BY BEAU ELLIOT | NOVEMBER 12, 2013 5:00 AM

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If the Obama administration ran global warming, we’d get winter three weeks early.

Hmm.

That white stuff all over the ground on Monday wasn’t cocaine. Not that I know, exactly, what cocaine looks like.

On the other hand, if the NSA ran global warming, everything would seem normal, but global warming would know everything about your silly attempts at clever passwords and that email you once sent to Duffy telling her that her parents must have been slug snot.

Not that I’m all that obsessed with global warming, or global climate change, as scientists prefer to call it. Especially I’m not all that obsessed with global warming when the weather (a second cousin of climate change) rolls out its new December three weeks early.

I don’t get obsessed anymore. The hours are long, and the pay is short.

I’m not even obsessed with the Hawkeye football team, although I thought it was great the way the Hawks rolled up the Purdue Boilermakers.

Of course, the Regina High School football team could roll up the Boilermakers this season.

What the heck, even the Obamacare website could roll up the Boilermakers this season. Even the Tampa Bay Buccaneers might give the Boilermakers a run for their money. If they had any money.
OK, I take back the crack about the Obamacare website. It doesn’t know how to play football. (Of course, neither do the Boilermakers.)

The health-plan website doesn’t seem to know how to do much of anything except stall. You’d think it was a restroom (that’s where it’s sending President Obama’s poll numbers, anyway.)

Maybe Obama shouldn’t have strapped the health-plan website to the roof of the car and driven to Canada. (Didn’t he know that Canadians already have a pretty good health plan?)

(Speaking of obsessions, not that we were, exactly, you’ll note that I’ve not said a word about who won the World Series. Just saying. [Or not saying.] To “B” or not to “B,” as Willy the Shake once wrote when he was musing about baseball.)

(Note: “Willy the Shake” is a Joni Mitchell creation, to give credit where credit is due.)

Meanwhile, Obama’s numbers are really in the tank or have flown south for the winter or whatever other figure of speech you prefer. And the health-plan rollout is largely responsible.

Of course, the Republican poll numbers are deeper in the tank or farther south, etc. I’m not sure that’s much solace for the Obama people, even though it was the House GOP refusal to fully fund the health-plan website that hindered it.

And there have been some bright notes for Obamacare. The health exchange worked quite well in Kentucky, according to reports (that sound you hear in the background is Sen. Rand Paul, R-Ky., gnashing and gnashing his teeth.)

And as the New York Tiimes reports, some 5 million to 7 million people could wind up with a health-care plan and pay no premiums at all. Many of them would be young adults.

That’s not to point out (yet again) that one of Obamacares first moves to kick in was to enable young adults to remain on their parents’ health plan until they’re 26. Another move that kicked in was to eliminate the doughnut hole for seniors that President George W. Bush’s plan created.

So Obama, it’s OK. You can come back from Canada with the health-plan website. Just take it off the roof and put it in the back seat this time.

Not to get fixated on old obsessions, but if the Purdue Boilermakers ran global warming, we’d have a new Ice Age.


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