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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Consider how you can get the most for the least. Budget wisely, and look for bargains. Having too much of anything will not end well for you. Live within your means emotionally, financially, and physically. Size up whatever situation you face and make a calculated move.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Make this a to-do day. Get busy clearing up unfinished business. Make calls, and redirect your energy into completing your tasks. Offer your suggestions, and team up with people you've worked with in the past — you'll find unique solutions.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Choose the people you share information with, and tread carefully when faced with any incident that has potential to turn sour. Go to the source, and find out exactly where you stand and what's transpired before making a decision.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Push for positive change. Clear the clutter from your life. Fix up your surroundings, and prepare your environment for the activities you want to take on or the people with whom you want to share. Romance is in the stars.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Your communication skills will let you down. Before you engage in talks or negotiations, be sure that you know what you want and what you are willing to do. Honesty and trust must be established. A change of heart is likely.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Visit destinations that can supply you with information and answers to questions that are necessary to make a decision. Network and socialize, but refrain from being too accommodating, especially where money matters are concerned. Cultivate an important relationship.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Avoid discussions or being forced to deal with personal situations if you need more time to digest. You don't have to make a decision because someone is pressuring you. Take a time-out to breathe and consider your options.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Work from home, or use your imagination to make your space unique and geared toward greater productivity. Express your feelings, and share your intentions with someone special. Professional gains can be made if you take action.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Proceed with caution when traveling or expressing your opinions. Emotional confusion due to a lack of understanding or not exposing pertinent information will set you back. Focus on what you can do for others in order to get what you want in return.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Concentrate on getting ahead by exercising moneymaking projects. Your tenacity and insight will turn you into the go-to person. Added responsibilities may be a burden at first, but in the end, you will reap the rewards for your due diligence.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Hide your feelings. Refuse to let anyone push you in an undesirable direction. You favor change that you bring about on your own, not what is forced upon you. Offer concise information, and carry on in the direction that suits you best.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Pick your target, and make your way to the finish line. Your upbeat, unique, and precise way of dealing with others will ensure you get all the help you require to reach your goals. Money will come from an unexpected source.



WOMEN — Can't live with 'em …

• … can't become one of 'em because insurance won't cover the surgery.

• … can't seem to install cameras in their bathrooms without getting caught by 'em.

• … can't kill 'em without chopping their heads off, releasing the Quickening.

• … can't talk to 'em in a grocery store without getting an embarrassing erection.

• … can't live next to 'em because of so many active restraining orders.

• … can't live within 'em.

• … can't gain their powers by eating dolls made from their hair.

• … can't replace them with soulless, emotionless pleasurebots because the university cut my funding.

• … can't get 'em to get to the point when they tell a story.

• … can't get any who aren't relatives to talk to me.

• … can't feasibly outsource 'em.

• … can't teach my Fleshlight to care about my bad days.

Andrew R. Juhl thanks Joe Malone, Kyle Warner, and Mallory Smith for contributing to today's Ledge.






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• Book Babies, 10:30 a.m., Iowa City Public Library, 123 S. Linn
• Hallelujah Chorus Sing-Along, noon, UIHC Colloton Atrium
• Chess Group, 1 p.m., Uptown Bill’s, 730 S. Dubuque
• Knitting Nurse, 2-4 p.m., Home Ec Workshop, 207 N. Linn
• First Friday Coffeehouse, Iowa Humane Alliance Fundraiser, 5:30 p.m., Beadology, 220 E. Washington
• Graduate College Commencement Ceremony, 7 p.m., Carver-Hawkeye Arena
Annie, 7:30 p.m., Iowa City Community Theater, Johnson County Fairgrounds, 4265 Oak Crest Hill Road
A Christmas Carol, City Circle, 7:30 p.m., Coralville Center for the Performing Arts, 1301 Fifth St.
• Tallgrass, Iowa Shares Benefit, 8 p.m., Englert, 221 E. Washington
• Item 9 & the Mad Hatters CD Release Party, 9 p.m., Gabe’s, 330 E. Washington
• Salsa, 9 p.m., Wildwood, 4919 Walleye N.E.
• Scholars and Tyrants, 10 p.m., Yacht Club, 13 S. Linn


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