New Feature! Sudoku below Horoscopes and Ledge, play online or print it out!

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Gravitate toward what's realistic. Let your faith lead you in the right direction. Your knowledge and expertise will not disappoint you. Talk with someone you feel has something to add to your life. Stand by your ethics, and you will have no regrets.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): An old friend or colleague will help you make a decision based on your past performance. Changing where you live or searching for information or solutions outside your local parameters will lead to answers. Honor whatever rules are set.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Take a moment to go over all the facts and decipher what's transpired. There is no point getting angry or frustrated over an emotional situation that you cannot alter. Someone is withholding information or not telling the truth.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Speak up, and join in. Don't be afraid to be different. Your unique way of dealing with others will garner the response and help you need in return. Let your emotions lead the way. Keep your energy focused on improving your environment.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You'll look for a good time, but not everyone will be in the mood to join you. Problems at home, due to personal responsibilities or promises you made at work, must be taken care of before you can take off with friends.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You'll capture attention with your selective way of dealing with people and projects. Trouble at home must not be allowed to slow down your progress or hinder your work ethics. Make whatever personal change is necessary to avoid emotional manipulation.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Don't miss out on a professional opportunity because you are too busy making personal plans. Take care of business, and put the effort in to gain the confidence of those willing to pay for your skills and service.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Take a close look at your to-do list, and get the ball rolling. A little action will help you regain someone's interest. Romance coupled with a promise to make special plans with someone will enhance your personal life.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Address financial matters realistically if you want to make progress. Don't let your emotions lead you down a path that stands between you and a resolution that can result in benefits. Cut your losses, and be thankful for what you receive.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You don't have to make an impulsive move. Watch what everyone else does, and you will realize you are in a good position that only requires you to carry on and do your thing. Financial gains are heading your way.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Listen carefully, and prepare to make changes that are based on your needs, not on what someone else expects from you. You will learn through past mistakes and by dealing with humanitarian concerns. Let your emotions guide you. Act on impulse.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Tie up loose ends. Put agreements and contracts to rest. Show your interest, and negotiate your position. You have everything to gain by speaking up and taking charge. This is not the time to let emotions or insecurity take over.

A partial list of things I should probably tell every prospective girlfriend:

• I'm always a little nervous that I might have generalized anxiety disorder.

• I do most of my reading on the toilet, and most of my pooping on a newspaper.

• I have a decently large condo, a much larger family house by the lake, and an even bigger habit of lying.

• I'm a hopeless romantic. No, wait … that's not right. Alcoholic? Yep, that's it. I'm a hopeless alcoholic.

• I'm not very good at tantric sex. But tantric snacking, tantric Xbox, and tantric complaining …

Back to the Future is my favorite movie because it's about the same thing all my daydreams are: how great it'd be to go back in time and fix my parents' marriage.

• I know how to lay down a pretty mean euphemism, if you catch my drift …

• I'm really bad with names. I'm only slightly better with faces. I'm the worst with people.

• I really suffer when I eat eggs, but it's nothing compared to what you'll suffer when I eat eggs.

• I'd be fine being a parent one day. Three days, tops.

• I'm that very rare type of guy who doesn't appreciate being pigeonholed.

• Sometimes when I fart real hard, my vision gets blurry at the sides. But I'm pretty sure that'll work itself out eventually.

Andrew R. Juhl thanks LTD for sticking with him.

>> Click here to submit an event!

• Book Babies, 10:30 a.m., Iowa City Public Library, 123 S. Linn
• Hallelujah Chorus Sing-Along, noon, UIHC Colloton Atrium
• Chess Group, 1 p.m., Uptown Bill’s, 730 S. Dubuque
• Knitting Nurse, 2-4 p.m., Home Ec Workshop, 207 N. Linn
• First Friday Coffeehouse, Iowa Humane Alliance Fundraiser, 5:30 p.m., Beadology, 220 E. Washington
• Graduate College Commencement Ceremony, 7 p.m., Carver-Hawkeye Arena
Annie, 7:30 p.m., Iowa City Community Theater, Johnson County Fairgrounds, 4265 Oak Crest Hill Road
A Christmas Carol, City Circle, 7:30 p.m., Coralville Center for the Performing Arts, 1301 Fifth St.
• Tallgrass, Iowa Shares Benefit, 8 p.m., Englert, 221 E. Washington
• Item 9 & the Mad Hatters CD Release Party, 9 p.m., Gabe’s, 330 E. Washington
• Salsa, 9 p.m., Wildwood, 4919 Walleye N.E.
• Scholars and Tyrants, 10 p.m., Yacht Club, 13 S. Linn

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