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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Do the unexpected. The element of surprise will help you capture the attention of someone special. Romance is in the stars, and expressing your feelings will change the way you move forward. Moderate living will help improve your financial position.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Move forward cautiously. Investments or joint ventures will not be as rich in returns as you hope. Being informed will help you gauge what you should do and how to handle anyone who doesn't agree with you. Don't fold under pressure.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Get your home in order. Extend a helping hand to someone you love. Make the changes needed to improve your community and make your life easier. A strong bond with someone will improve your future.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Get together with people who can influence or contribute to your success. Share your ideas, and you will be given a host of options that you can use to implement what you have to offer. Promote, present, and perform.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Don't give in if it is going to affect your position or your confidence. You have to make a choice that will encourage you to do what's best for you. Positive decisions will get you past any negative melodrama. Love is featured.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Make observations, take a position that will enable you to get your point across, and move in a direction you want to go without feeling guilty. Learn from mistakes and emotional experiences that may have set you back.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Pitch in and help. Don't let laziness cost you your reputation or leave you in a position that gives you no maneuverability. Step up, and do what's required of you to make a difference to your life and your future prospects.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Keep your emotions well hidden. It won't be worth getting upset because you have a difference of opinion with someone. Do what works best for you, and don't look back. Taking a unique position will generate interest and create intrigue.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): It's time to make positive changes in your personal life, attitude, and future commitments. Use experience as your guide, and you will avoid taking on a responsibility or situation that is based on false information. Honesty is a must.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Don't pay for someone else's mistake. Size up whatever situation you face, and offer suggestions, but don't take over. The way you handle work-related matters is directly linked to future advancement. Show your integrity and ability to be a leader.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Question anything and anyone you don't feel comfortable with. Realize that you can make a last-minute change in order to avoid a situation that doesn't suit your needs or will not help you reach your goals.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Work hard, play hard, and enjoy what life has to offer. Your persistence will pay off. Discuss your plans, and whatever you need to move forward will be made available to you. Don't let an emotional relationship stand in your way.



Lesser-Known Conspiracy Theories:

• The Jews control Hollywood synagogues.

• There are, at any given time, no more than nine living people who possess the name "Carl."

• The Knots Landing was staged somewhere in Burbank.

• David A. Williams, president and CEO of the Make-a-Wish foundation, was the first (and last) person to successfully wish for unlimited wishes—over 6,000 years ago.

• The trend to make tires skinnier, lower profile, and overall smaller over the years is actually a Big Oil scheme to sell more gasoline. Smaller tires hold less air; with less air in the tires, the car, obviously, weighs more and thus uses more fuel.

• Much like The Wizard of Oz and Dark Side of the Moon, Citizen Kane syncs perfectly with The Best of Van Morrison, Volume 2.

• Despite all revelations to the contrary, Deep Throat was actually famed actor-comedian and center square Paul Lynde.

• Coke Zero is actually Coke .002743.

• If you freeze-frame it just right and know where to look, you can actually see when a little person hangs Judy Garland during a scene in A Star Is Born. After that, "Judy Garland" was played by Sir Laurence Olivier in all of "her" movies.

• Members of the Illuminati are allowed 142 characters on Twitter.

Soylent Green is Obamacare.

Andrew R. Juhl thanks Kyle Johnson, Duane Larson, and Zach Zaffis for contributing to today's Ledge.






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