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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Listening attentively will make the difference in the way a situation at home or at work unfolds. Focus on the practical, and question what appears to be too far-fetched. Offering reasonable suggestions will set the tone for what’s to come.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You can make the changes that best suit your current situation without facing interference. Opening up about your plans and including someone you think is special will help you develop a much closer relationship. Opportunity knocks.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Check out every angle of a proposition you are considering before you make a decision. There is something that has the potential to go wrong because of a misunderstanding. Don’t let a romantic or emotional matter cause you to veer in the wrong direction.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Avoid anyone trying to make abrupt changes that will affect your life or your future. Stick to what you know, and do the best job possible. Show your sincerity and dedication, and you will temper any negativity that comes your way.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You’ll be faced with added responsibility. What you do to help others will enable you to reach your goals or destination. An investment in your home or to broaden your skills will be successful.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You have what it takes to lead the way. Express your ideas, offer solutions, and you will make a difference and raise your profile. Love is in the stars, and expressing the way you feel about someone will pay off.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Look out for your own interests. Taking care of personal, business, and financial problems should be your priority. Don’t let anyone talk you into giving when you should be on the receiving end. Call in favors.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Share your thoughts and interests. Touching base with people who are heading in a similar direction will inspire you to follow through on your plans. Love is on the rise, and planning a special evening will enhance your life.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Make personal changes, or alter your home to better suit your upcoming needs. Learn from the experience you have gained with friends, relatives, or peers. Putting more effort and cash into your ventures and projects will bring the highest rewards.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Don’t alter the way you do things. Size up your situation, and consider how to handle people who show unpredictability. As long as you protect your interests and those you love, you can actually prosper from someone else’s shortcomings.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Stick to your principles, and don’t deviate from what’s best for you. Watch out for anyone using emotional tactics to persuade you to head in a questionable direction. Deception within partnerships is apparent and must be dealt with diplomatically.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Take a closer look at old ideas. Revamping and resurrecting what you have done in the past will lead to new interests and opportunities. Share your thoughts, draw up contracts and plan to move forward. Love is highlighted.

Lessons learned from a lifetime of watching movies:

• To stop land troops, simply stand with your back to them, raise your right arm bent at the elbow, and make a fist. This is the universal symbol for “WAIT AND BE QUIET, GUYS.”

• When humans are finished having sex, they lie shoulder-to-shoulder, looking up at the ceiling, not at each other. This is their attempt to make peace with an unhappy and vengeful god.

• Weapons are plentiful and easy to come by. Never waste time reloading; there are more than enough fully loaded guns on henchmen you’ve already dispatched, and employers/governments rarely even notice when agents abandon their service-issued weapons.

• The beach is for sexy people. Ugly, fat, and gross people never go to the beach — not even to look at the sexy people.

• Despite the effectiveness and relative cheapness of exploding arrows, very few countries’ infantries have embraced their use.

• When evading authorities, aliens, and/or assassins, you must still always make time for sex. (Bonus: the sex will be HOT.)

• The first complication in every marriage is when somebody makes an unfortunate toast at the wedding reception.

• Representing yourself in court doesn’t make you insane, it makes you the plucky underdog. And just so we’re all clear on this one: The judge may pretend to detest everything you say and do, but he — just as the rest of us are — is rooting for you to beat this bum rap.

Andrew R. Juhl thanks a lifetime of watching movies for the jokes in today’s Ledge.

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• Book Babies, 10:30 a.m., Iowa City Public Library, 123 S. Linn
• Hallelujah Chorus Sing-Along, noon, UIHC Colloton Atrium
• Chess Group, 1 p.m., Uptown Bill’s, 730 S. Dubuque
• Knitting Nurse, 2-4 p.m., Home Ec Workshop, 207 N. Linn
• First Friday Coffeehouse, Iowa Humane Alliance Fundraiser, 5:30 p.m., Beadology, 220 E. Washington
• Graduate College Commencement Ceremony, 7 p.m., Carver-Hawkeye Arena
Annie, 7:30 p.m., Iowa City Community Theater, Johnson County Fairgrounds, 4265 Oak Crest Hill Road
A Christmas Carol, City Circle, 7:30 p.m., Coralville Center for the Performing Arts, 1301 Fifth St.
• Tallgrass, Iowa Shares Benefit, 8 p.m., Englert, 221 E. Washington
• Item 9 & the Mad Hatters CD Release Party, 9 p.m., Gabe’s, 330 E. Washington
• Salsa, 9 p.m., Wildwood, 4919 Walleye N.E.
• Scholars and Tyrants, 10 p.m., Yacht Club, 13 S. Linn

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