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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Regret is a waste of time. Look ahead, and make positive plans. Fix up your surroundings to suit your needs. Don't fold under pressure or let someone's change of plans disrupt what you want to pursue. Love is in the stars.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Stick close to home, and abide by the rules. Don't hold back information or take someone else's word. Do your research, and make your plans based on your findings. An unexpected occurrence will cause emotional interference. Protect your health and wellness.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Take your time, do things right, and you will attract people and projects that will encourage your success. Love and romance are on the rise, and a change of people or destinations will lead to fun.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Let your creative imagination wander, and you will come up with great ideas that can help you explore new avenues and options. Don't let what others do or the changes going on around you put a damper on what you can accomplish.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Share your concerns along with your solutions. Take charge by making a contribution that will enforce your dedication. Appeal to others emotionally, and you will get the biggest response. Protect your assets and encourage personal growth. Love is highlighted.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You will be taken advantage of if you don't stipulate what you will and won't do. Making a donation will leave you in a vulnerable position. Invest in your future, your home, and your family. Avoid impulsive spending.

LIBRA (Sept. 23- Oct. 22): Don't give in to ultimatums. Step away from a situation that causes stress so you can get a clear picture and make a sound decision. Overreacting on your part or someone else's will end in irreconcilable differences.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Forward thinking will lead to prosperity. Experiment, and you will discover a way to put your skills to better use. Working from home or adjusting your surroundings to be more conducive to the accomplishments you are trying to make will pay off.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): A relationship or physical change can lead to a move or alter the way you live. An open-minded attitude will help you avoid any repercussions involving a partnership that is going through changes. Spend less on frivolous desires.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Make sure to spend some time with the people who make you happy. Move things around at home, or fix up a space that you can call your own. Working toward a happier and healthier lifestyle will bring good results. A partnership looks promising.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Don't limit what you can do. Put your heart into making the changes that will help you improve your current living situation. Self-improvement through physical actions will bring good results. Love is on the rise, and romance will enhance your day.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Rely on experience. Your options are good, but you must take the time to ensure that what you are trying to accomplish is reasonable. Practicality will be a must if you want to make progress and profits.

We hold these truths to be self-evident (and a little nerdy):

• Are you a vampire hunter? Let me save you some time: Hot Topic, then Forever 21, then any 24/7 diner after midnight. BAM, you just hit quota for the month.

• Act II, Scene 1 of A Midsummer Night''s Dream: When sent on a mission by Oberon, Puck states he will "put a girdle round about the Earth … in 40 minutes." Now, as a girdle goes around the widest point of a person, we can assume that Puck is saying that he can equatorially circumnavigate Earth in 40 minutes. Earth's equatorial circumference is approximately 24,900 miles, which means Puck can travel at least 37,350 mph, or a little faster than Mach 49. There's no real joke here; I just think that's one hella-fast sprite.

• I feel as KFC and Disney are missing out on a golden cross-branding opportunity. "I'd like a one bucket of Anakin (Original Recipe), two of Vader (Extra Crispy). Oh. And give me an extra dozen Ewoks (buttermilk biscuits), please. I love me some yummy Ewoks."

• You know that part in "Teen Wolf" when Michael J. Fox suddenly turns into a werewolf during basketball practice and nobody calls the authorities, freaks out, or tries to shoot him? They just all think it's really awesome and take him out for pizza and drinks? I wish life were more like that.

Andrew R. Juhl thanks interweb friends Jeremy Jones and Xiphias for contributing to today's Ledge.

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