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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Get any responsibilities or chores out of the way before you move on to other interests. Complaints will be made if you haven't honored a promise. Planning a vacation, travel, and communicative activities will all lead to a positive outcome.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Speak up, and you can resolve issues that bother you. An unusual approach to something you do at work or the way you present a skill or your résumé will give you an advantage. Put aside time for someone special.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Share what you have with those you love. Express your emotions, and get rid of any concerns you've been harboring. Put greater emphasis on making the changes that will improve your life and help you reach your goals.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Avoid impulsive behavior that has the potential to lead to an irreversible situation. Work quietly behind the scenes, and you will have a better chance of getting what you want done without interference. Protect what you have, and don't fold under pressure.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Take care of personal and domestic responsibilities. Think about the changes you want to make and what you need to do to make your dreams come true. Sign up for a course, rebuild your résumé, or consider a change of location.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Keep a close watch on any competition you face at work or school. You need to express your concerns and find solutions to any existing problems to prove you can handle whatever challenge you face. Avoid excess and indulgent people.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Re-evaluate your current professional position and your domestic situation. Look at the big picture, and consider what you can do to get ahead. Knowledge is key, and being more diverse presenting what you have to offer will play a role in your success.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Networking, researching and spending time with people who enjoy the same things you do will put a positive spin on your day. Good fortune is heading your way. You will get news regarding an investment or money someone owes you.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Ask questions, find out what's expected of you, and take your time when it comes to money matters. Put a cap on how much you spend when it comes to someone you are trying to impress. Don't try to buy love.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Keep life simple; don't fold under pressure. If someone is pressing you to make a snap decision or to indulge in something you feel is wasteful, back away or offer an alternative that you feel is cost-effective.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): An open mind will pick up valuable information. Engage in talks, and communicate with people who have information you want to acquire. Expand your interests and your friendships, and you will be able to make changes that will enhance your personal life.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Problems at home will cost you if you aren't prepared to take action and cut your losses. Do not get into an argument when change is what's required. Size up your situation, and do what's necessary. Love is highlighted.



Gray Matter Goulash:

• If life gives you lemons, you should just be all sarcastic and say, "Wow, life. Thanks a lot for all these really useful lemons. No, really, you're the best."

• I hope I'll live to see the day when all women are allowed to drink Dr. Pepper 10 if they so choose.

• "Bras before ha-ha's" would be a good catch phrase for a lingerie salesman who moonlights as a comedian.

• If somebody ever makes an all-crab version of Star Wars, I'm willing to bet that the main character will be called Luke Sidewalker.

• Why are "shopping" and "shooting" are the only sprees people ever do? I'm going on an omelet spree.

• Sorry, ladies, but it turns out that my bald spot isn't actually a solar panel for anything. Well, except maybe misanthropy.

• Sometimes, I worry about the future of humanity, but then I see drunk college students posing for iPhone photos with the homeless. Phew.

• It doesn't matter if the "HD" means "high definition" or "hot dog," "HD buns" is always on my shopping list.

• Before you get all haughty, let's remember that a one-trick pony still has quite an advantage over all the zero-trick ponies, all right?

• People who recommend things that will "change your life" really ought to be more forthcoming about whether it will be for the worse.

• When you get right down to it, farts are really just circus barkers for poop.

WILL HARTMAN recently learned there's a good deal that a can of chicken soup can't fix.






>> Click here to submit an event!

• Book Babies, 10:30 a.m., Iowa City Public Library, 123 S. Linn
• Hallelujah Chorus Sing-Along, noon, UIHC Colloton Atrium
• Chess Group, 1 p.m., Uptown Bill’s, 730 S. Dubuque
• Knitting Nurse, 2-4 p.m., Home Ec Workshop, 207 N. Linn
• First Friday Coffeehouse, Iowa Humane Alliance Fundraiser, 5:30 p.m., Beadology, 220 E. Washington
• Graduate College Commencement Ceremony, 7 p.m., Carver-Hawkeye Arena
Annie, 7:30 p.m., Iowa City Community Theater, Johnson County Fairgrounds, 4265 Oak Crest Hill Road
A Christmas Carol, City Circle, 7:30 p.m., Coralville Center for the Performing Arts, 1301 Fifth St.
• Tallgrass, Iowa Shares Benefit, 8 p.m., Englert, 221 E. Washington
• Item 9 & the Mad Hatters CD Release Party, 9 p.m., Gabe’s, 330 E. Washington
• Salsa, 9 p.m., Wildwood, 4919 Walleye N.E.
• Scholars and Tyrants, 10 p.m., Yacht Club, 13 S. Linn


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