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ARIES (March 21-April. 19): Take on what you find exciting and inspiring; walk away from anyone or anything that has a negative spin. It's important to take action and be a participant if you want to expand your friendships and opportunities.

TAURUS (April. 20-May 20): Voice your opinion, and get things accomplished. Once you put your plans in motion, you will get everyone around you to show more enthusiasm. Love and romance are on the rise, and sharing common interests will bring you closer together.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Don't reveal your thoughts, especially if it pertains to a work-related matter. Size up the situation you face, and determine what you have to do to show your talent and value to whatever job you do. Moderation will be necessary.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Step outside your comfort zone, and give a unique spin to whatever you do. Show your strength as well as your determination to be at your very best. Relationships will undergo unexpected changes. Nurture the partnerships you cherish.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Embrace change, but don't let others dictate what you decide to do. Act on your own merits, and offer what you feel comfortable parting with. Keep your money in a safe place, and restrict your generosity to physical, not financial assistance.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Take care of business in order to avoid being criticized. An emotional problem due to an investment, money matter, or health must be taken care of in an unorthodox manner. Disillusionment regarding a partnership is likely.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Proceed with caution when dealing with both personal and professional relationships. You have options and should take the time to learn, study, and practice in order to be at your top level of performance.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Do something that will allow you to explore an unusual or unique creative idea or talent. Getting together with people you find inspiring or would like to collaborate with will bring you one step closer to your goal. Love is on the rise.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): A carefree attitude may help entertain others, but it probably won't get you what you want in the end. Change can be good, but it must be made for the right reasons. Evaluate your current relationships, and make amends where necessary.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Look at your investments, and make any alterations that will ensure your financial safety. Sizing down or making a wise purchase that will grow in value will set the stage for years to come. Don't be fooled by a slick sales pitch.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Socialize, network, and consider the changes you can make to improve your future. A solid partnership will help you stay on track. A creative idea or a service you can offer will turn into a moneymaker if you present it properly.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): A short trip will lead to new prospects that can combine your talent, skills, and knowledge. A commitment to a project or a partnership looks positive. Leave room for love and romance as your day comes to a close.

Notes to Self:

• Your bowel movements are getting to the point that you're considering hiring a midwife. Maybe it's time to eat more fiber, Andrew.

• Next time you take a sick day to play hooky, wear sun block. • When a student in class asks you, the TA, if you have a sec, never reply that you "have a lot of secs."

• If your suit pants are a bit too snug the day before Sexy Dressy Date Night, then running 10 miles and doing 500 crunches is not the solution … unless being so in pain that you don't even want to think about sex sounds like a fun date.

• When you are drinking coffee at the park, next to a group of playing children, and are asked "Which one is yours?" by an attractive single mother, the correct answer is not: "I haven't decided yet."

• The next time your gorgeous girlfriend asks you to call her dirty names during sex, "Fatso" is off the table.

• It is possible for your tubby cat to walk over the TV remote and accidentally press the correct sequence of buttons to order hard-core PPV pornography in the time it takes you to make a grilled-cheese sandwich.

• Buy the cat the good treats next time you're at the store.

• When typing "treatments for anal warts" into Google, make sure you actually have Google open and are not absentmindedly updating your Facebook status. Also: just go to Student Health already.

Andrew R. Juhl was born in the USA before he French kissed a Maid in China.

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• Book Babies, 10:30 a.m., Iowa City Public Library, 123 S. Linn
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• Chess Group, 1 p.m., Uptown Bill’s, 730 S. Dubuque
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A Christmas Carol, City Circle, 7:30 p.m., Coralville Center for the Performing Arts, 1301 Fifth St.
• Tallgrass, Iowa Shares Benefit, 8 p.m., Englert, 221 E. Washington
• Item 9 & the Mad Hatters CD Release Party, 9 p.m., Gabe’s, 330 E. Washington
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• Scholars and Tyrants, 10 p.m., Yacht Club, 13 S. Linn

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