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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Sharing will be the way to get things accomplished as long as you are willing to ask for what you need. Don't feel weak because you need a little help. Pick the people you want to collaborate with carefully, and continue.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Emotions will play a role in the outcome of a situation you are dealing with at work. Don't mix business with pleasure or let someone you are involved with personally stand between you and success. Put your goals first.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Someone will withhold information. Do your research, and find out the facts before you decide to make your intentions public. Indulgence and a lack of integrity must be avoided. Dealing with institutions will not be easy or straightforward.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): You may feel lucky, but taking a risk will not turn out as planned. Stick to what you know, and use common sense when it comes to financial, medical, or legal matters. It's best to be safe, not sorry. Focus more on romance.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You'll face roadblocks and interference if you try to make changes openly. Step back, and make your plans quietly until you are certain that you can achieve your goal and not upset those affected by the decisions you make.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Put more time and effort into you. Self-improvement projects will pay off and draw compliments. Love and romance should also be on your mind. Travel plans or spending down time with someone special will enhance your life.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You may have to make some sacrifices regarding your home or domestic situation in order to avoid a loss. Structure your personal budget to fit your situation. An educational pursuit will pay off, but first, you must do the work.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Not everyone will agree with you, but you are still best to face the music and discuss your plans. Use your imagination, and you'll find a way to persuade anyone opposing your decision to give you a chance to do your own thing.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Don't be disappointed if someone you were counting on doesn't come through. Focus on what you can do on your own and how you can improve your personal life by following old dreams, hopes, and wishes. Don't give up; get started.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): A home-improvement project will improve your living space and your relationship with those you live with. Love is on the rise, and a serious discussion will bring about a suitable solution to any pending problem.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Learn from your mistakes. Keep a close eye on what others do and say; you'll avoid making an emotional mistake. Stick close to home, and make changes to your current living situation that will encourage you to expand your interests.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Dig up old ideas and plans. Talk to people causing you emotional grief; set the record straight. Invest your time or money in something or someone you believe will lead to profits. Love is highlighted, and a celebration should be planned.



General and unsolicited advice:

• Before ravenously tearing into a hunk of bleu cheese you found in your fridge, always first ask yourself the question: "When was the last time I actually bought a hunk of bleu cheese?" Because it might be just be a hunk of provolone that's growing mold.

• If you see a sock on the floor and don't know whether or not it's dirty, and you pick it up and it's as stiff as cardboard, then it's dirty. Trust this. Don't sniff the sock. DO NOT. SNIFF. THE SOCK.

• Teaching your 6-year-old cousin the phrase "Ass, grass, or cash: nobody rides for free." is only funny until the next time he rides the school bus and discusses this policy with the driver, gets in trouble, and tells on you, leading you to receive a stressed and angry call from your aunt. Then it's hilarious.

• The best way to get important people to notice you is to carry a samurai sword.

• Looking for something to paint? How about a bowl of fruit? That'd be novel.

• When making hamburgers for your girlfriend, if she beckons you into the living room to see something on the television, you should reply with "I can't right now, I'm making the patties." and not "Just as soon as I'm done pounding my meat."

• It's only a humane animal trap if you remember to check it occasionally.

Andrew R. Juhl never takes advice freely given and also never charges for advice.






>> Click here to submit an event!

• Book Babies, 10:30 a.m., Iowa City Public Library, 123 S. Linn
• Hallelujah Chorus Sing-Along, noon, UIHC Colloton Atrium
• Chess Group, 1 p.m., Uptown Bill’s, 730 S. Dubuque
• Knitting Nurse, 2-4 p.m., Home Ec Workshop, 207 N. Linn
• First Friday Coffeehouse, Iowa Humane Alliance Fundraiser, 5:30 p.m., Beadology, 220 E. Washington
• Graduate College Commencement Ceremony, 7 p.m., Carver-Hawkeye Arena
Annie, 7:30 p.m., Iowa City Community Theater, Johnson County Fairgrounds, 4265 Oak Crest Hill Road
A Christmas Carol, City Circle, 7:30 p.m., Coralville Center for the Performing Arts, 1301 Fifth St.
• Tallgrass, Iowa Shares Benefit, 8 p.m., Englert, 221 E. Washington
• Item 9 & the Mad Hatters CD Release Party, 9 p.m., Gabe’s, 330 E. Washington
• Salsa, 9 p.m., Wildwood, 4919 Walleye N.E.
• Scholars and Tyrants, 10 p.m., Yacht Club, 13 S. Linn


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