New Feature! Sudoku below Horoscopes and Ledge, play online or print it out!

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Rely on your intelligence and your insight to lead you in the right direction. Refrain from making an impulsive move because someone is pressuring you. Make plans to get together with friends, relatives, or someone you haven't seen in a long time.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Get together with someone you respect or who has the expertise you need in order to pursue a new venture. Events that are geared toward learning as well as having fun will enable you to make new friends and hone your skills.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Get down to business, and finish what you start. You'll have a much better time once the work is complete and you can do as you please. Offering your services or help will boost your reputation. Love and romance are highlighted.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Treat colleagues diplomatically to avoid being discussed behind your back. Take a critical look at your current situation as well as what you have to offer. Updating your skills or the way you do things will help you advance.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Don't let responsibilities drag you down. Work hard and fast to put the work behind you. Traveling or getting together with someone special will encourage you to strive for a more fulfilling lifestyle. Love is on the rise.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Double-check your personal financial investments and papers. Making a couple of adjustments can save you from a loss. An experienced individual can offer you good advice regarding a partnership. Don't let pressure push you in the wrong direction.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Do something creative, get together with friends, or do something with youngsters. Keeping busy or expanding your interests will leave you with some interesting thoughts about how you can raise your income and your standard of living.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Your vision will be clear, and a decision you make regarding your personal life, home, and family will help you gain respect and the support you need to move forward with your plans. Invest in you and your talent.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Put your plans into motion. Fixing up your home or making a move that will improve your lifestyle is possible. Love is in the stars, and altering the way you do things will lead to an adventure that will bring you greater happiness.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Not everyone will agree with what you say or do. Be careful while traveling or doing anything physical. Minor mishaps will set you back. Taking an unusual approach to a job you are required to do will bring you recognition.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Rely on experience to help you deal with anyone questioning what you are doing now. Take care of any domestic changes that need to be implemented in order to make your life better. Someone you love will support and encourage you.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Look over any pending contracts, settlements, or financial papers. You will have greater insight into ways you can increase your assets or raise your earning potential. Consider what you have to offer, and invest in your future.

My Home's Ultra-Advanced Antitheft Security System:

• Perimeter: veritable minefield of the neighbor's kids' toys, the other neighbor's dogs' droppings, and stinging, biting insects that look as if they belong in a '50s sci-fi movie.

• Front Door: protected by a mean-looking iCarly sticker placed above and slightly to the left of the doorknob by the neighbor's daughter, as well as surrounded by a labyrinthine swell of rotting Pennysavers and cigarette butts.

• Back Door: cannot be opened by anyone, even those bearing the key, without Herculean force applied to it from one's shoulder — sending a shockwave through the house that shakes the walls, rattles the furniture, and gives me a helpful 20-second warning to hide the hand lotion and put my pants back on.

• Sliding Door of Back Porch: never fails to jump its tracks and make a klaxon-like screech whenever someone tries to use it … very similar to an Amtrak train.

• Overhead Garage Door: impregnable; even I can't get the damned thing open without a ladder, two buddies, and an afternoon with nothing better to do.

• Windows: cosseted by an opaquely gray (and possibly sentient) film I've lovingly cultivated over the last five years.

• Guard Animals: a pair of portly and pertinacious felines, trained to mewl both loudly and incessantly at every new person that they encounter until fed, regardless of whether there is food in their bowl.

• House Interior: full of ugly, worthless crap that nobody in their right mind would care about enough to steal.

Andrew R. Juhl won't throw out old phonebooks because he might need them.

>> Click here to submit an event!

• Book Babies, 10:30 a.m., Iowa City Public Library, 123 S. Linn
• Hallelujah Chorus Sing-Along, noon, UIHC Colloton Atrium
• Chess Group, 1 p.m., Uptown Bill’s, 730 S. Dubuque
• Knitting Nurse, 2-4 p.m., Home Ec Workshop, 207 N. Linn
• First Friday Coffeehouse, Iowa Humane Alliance Fundraiser, 5:30 p.m., Beadology, 220 E. Washington
• Graduate College Commencement Ceremony, 7 p.m., Carver-Hawkeye Arena
Annie, 7:30 p.m., Iowa City Community Theater, Johnson County Fairgrounds, 4265 Oak Crest Hill Road
A Christmas Carol, City Circle, 7:30 p.m., Coralville Center for the Performing Arts, 1301 Fifth St.
• Tallgrass, Iowa Shares Benefit, 8 p.m., Englert, 221 E. Washington
• Item 9 & the Mad Hatters CD Release Party, 9 p.m., Gabe’s, 330 E. Washington
• Salsa, 9 p.m., Wildwood, 4919 Walleye N.E.
• Scholars and Tyrants, 10 p.m., Yacht Club, 13 S. Linn

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