New Feature! Sudoku below Horoscopes and Ledge, play online or print it out!

ARIES (March 21-April 19): A partnership offering unusual rewards is apparent. Take care of paperwork that may create a problem if left unattended. A passionate encounter will inspire you to resurrect an old project. Don’t make an impulsive professional decision.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Take advantage of an opportunity to travel for business or to set up a meeting that will allow you to discuss future plans. Partnerships will be sensitive. It’s worthwhile to nurture and protect important connections that can influence life.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Don’t be fooled by what your peers say or do. Do your best to stand out. Show interest and ingenuity when dealing with both colleagues and authority figures. Practical coupled with unique will win out in the end.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Take on a challenge, and you will excel. You can enhance your reputation if you network or socialize. Both personal and professional relationships will be important. Don’t let a last-minute change alter the way you feel about someone special.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Don’t rely on anything or anyone. You’ll face opposition at home if you don’t find a way to compromise. Sign up for a course that will help you master your skills. Insight into a personal investment will help you make a decision.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Don’t hesitate to choose what you want to do and the people you want to work alongside. Love is in the stars, and socializing or taking a trip to a destination that encourages encounters with people who interest you should be scheduled.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Don’t fold under pressure or let someone guilt-trip you into doing something questionable. Rely on past experience when dealing with your boss, client, or peers. You can make an interesting professional or financial change by investing in your talent.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Make personal changes to the way you live and to the relationships that count. Letting go of what doesn’t work for you anymore will be beneficial and result in having more time to concentrate on what’s truly important. Love is highlighted.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Focus on causes that need your input. You can make a difference as long as you stick to simple but effective plans that are easy to implement. Too much of anything will be your downfall. A favorable change at home will lift your spirits.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Stop putting off the fun things you hope to accomplish. Make a choice, and follow your heart. Take on a challenge that will allow you to satisfy both your personal and professional needs. Love and romance are in the stars.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Being low-key and observant will be required to avoid negative reactions from the people you encounter. Expect to face a force play if you have not taken care of your end of a bargain you made. Deal with authority positively and swiftly.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Take pride in what you do, and don’t be afraid to brag about what you’ve accomplished. A contract, settlement, or money owed to you will be granted. Travel plans must be kept to a minimum in order to avoid going over budget.

My ‘Plan Bs’ for if Romney had Won:

• Move to Colorado, break out the Cheetos, and smoke legal weed for the next four years.

• Escape to Canada and stay drunk on Molson until it’s over, eh.

• Petition to have Iowa secede from the United States and invade Minnesota. (Time to get back all that territory those friggin’ Gophers stole from us!)

• Work even harder to be a taker rather than a maker; that’ll show the bastards.

• Join forces with Karl Rove to found a non-political charitable organization devoted to shaking down billionaires for my University Heights City Council campaign.

• Commit a felony just serious enough to get a four-year sentence.

• Start a Crisis Center for Republican candidates obsessed with rape.

• Use that ticket to Pakistan (complete with complimentary Islamic terrorist training camp) I earned as an Obama volunteer.

• Blackmail Paul Ryan by threatening to out that beefy hunk of right-wing man-flesh.

• Rake in speaking fees lecturing on the Romney birth-certificate scam — he claims he was born like a human, not manufactured in a Chinese sweatshop, but WHERE IS THE PROOF?

• Borrow money from my parents (again) and go back to school (again).

• Dump Mediacom and just watch “Bewitched” reruns on Netflix. Actually, I’m going to do that, anyway. Samantha Stevens is one hot little sorceress.

• Remain calm, be patient, and wait for the contest for the 2016 Democratic nomination to start — in two weeks.

— Duncan Stewart was bribed with government benefits to vote for Obama.

>> Click here to submit an event!

• Toddler Story Time, 10:30 a.m., Iowa City Public Library, 123 S. Linn
• English Language Learners’ Discussion Circle, noon, S126 Pappajohn Business Building
Final Thesis Defense, “Oxidation of Nitrogen Monoxide by Oxoiron(IV) Complexes: Mechanistic Studies and Related Investigations with an Iron Nitrosyl Complex,” Travis Owen, Chemistry, 1:30 p.m., W323 Chemistry Building
• Thesis Defense, “Applications of Mesoporous Silica and Zeolites for Drug Delivery,” Ashish Datt, Chemistry, 2 p.m., 140 Blank Honors Center
• Sit and Knit, 2 p.m., Senior Center, 28 S. Linn
• Soo Eun Choi, piano, 6 p.m., University Capitol Center Recital Hall
• GLBT Movie Series, Let’s Talk Inclusive, 6:30 p.m., Senior Center
• Shelby Kifer, bass trombone, 8 p.m., University Capitol Center
• Open Mike, with J Knight, 8 p.m., Mill, 120 E. Burlington
• One-Night Stand, 9 p.m., Yacht Club, 13 S. Linn

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