New Feature! Sudoku below Horoscopes and Ledge, play online or print it out!

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Instigate what you want to see happen. Waiting for help is a waste of time. A moneymaking opportunity is apparent if you partner with an old friend or associate. Traveling to conduct a face-to-face meeting will broaden your chance for success.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Check out foreign markets and educational or job opportunities. Take a serious look at your current status and the people influencing your life. Speak up, show determination, and prepare to put your plans into motion. Use your imagination.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You’ll have good ideas and solutions that will put you in the spotlight. Greater professional opportunities are apparent if you share your interest in reform and getting more for less. Someone from your past will play a role in a decision you make.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Don’t let change cloud your vision. Do your best to be creative and social with people who come from different backgrounds. You will learn a lot if you are receptive to new concepts. A creative venture will enhance your life.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Don’t shirk your responsibilities, or you will face criticism. Once you have your chores out of the way, you will be able to experience interesting encounters with people who can make you more aware of the possibilities that exist. Engage in the action.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Getting out with friends or attending a community event will lead to greater knowledge and insight into future trends. Don’t let the people you live with or are close to interrupt your plans. Arguments will not lead to solutions.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You may be confused with regard to how you earn a living. Get back to basics, and consider new ways to implement old skills. Don’t be shy — share your thoughts and you will get interesting and helpful feedback. Opportunity knocks.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Openness will be the ticket to making the best decision. The information you receive will allow you to see where others stand. Gravitate toward those offering dedication, courage, and loyalty. Strive for perfection.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You may feel like chatting and sharing your ideas, but don’t be too quick. Someone is likely to lead you astray or take advantage of your openness. Keep what you are doing a secret until you are well on your way to completion.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Follow your instincts. Focus on your goals. Preparation and observation will lead to victory. Don’t let someone else’s change of plans slow you down or disrupt your day. Stick to the truth, and don’t hesitate to dismantle the competition’s plan.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Avoid people who tend to upset you. You have more options than you realize. Concentrate on your finances, important paperwork, and getting your life in order. Greater opportunities will develop once you achieve greater stability.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Tie up loose ends. Take care of financial, medical, and legal matters that might stand in your way if left unattended. Dealing with institutions, government agencies, or hospitals will lead to unusual but favorable solutions to any problem you face.

What’s Mitt Romney Up to Now?

• Throwing a Mormon hissy fit, which consists of exclaiming, “Aw, nuts,” with a snap of the fingers.

• Learning to swear like a sailor instead of like a church lady.

• Posing for pin-up shots spotting Paul Ryan pumping iron.

• Having a beard growing contest with Al Gore. Winner gets final say on global warming.

• Busting into the snack-food market with limited edition Rafalca-flavored gelatin snacks.

• Outsourcing his frustration to China, where it will be repackaged as angst and sold to American teenagers.

• Taking it out on the dog.

• Building a fallout shelter with Ted Nugent for the apocalypse that is imminent under a second Obama term.

• Setting his sights a bit lower. President of the country club, perhaps.

• Considering self-deportation.

• Poring over his binders in search of a qualified shoulder to cry on.

• Re-evaluating his long-held positions on the issues.

• Hawking “Distinguished Gent Temple Dye.”

• Hosting a game show called “Betcha $10,000 the American People Find You To Be Out of Touch.”

• Returning to his home planet, where it’s back to the drawing board for plans to conquer Earth.

• Playing shuffleboard with the Monopoly Man and Scrooge McDuck.

• Getting started on his memoirs, tentatively titled, *White Bred: The Story of Willard.*

• Going on a three-day Diet Coke bender.

• Taking his mind off his troubles with a nice, relaxing money bath.

WILL HARTMAN wishes Mitt the best of luck with the whole fading into obscurity thing.

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• Final Thesis Defense, “Expansions of Supramolecular Chemistry: Nanocrystals, Pharmaceutical Cocrystals, Imaging, and Decorated Olefins,” John Sander, Chemistry, 9 a.m., W323 Chemistry Building
• Preschool Story Time, 10:30 a.m., Iowa City Public Library, 123 S. Linn
• Corn Bowl 2012 Blood Drive, 11 a.m.-2 p.m., US Bank, 204 E. Washington
• Iowa City Foreign Relations Council Luncheon Series, Former U.S. Ambassador J.D. Bindenagel, noon, Congregational Church, 30 N. Clinton
• Inorganic Chemistry Seminar, “Conformational Properties of Cytochrome c with Polymeric Inserts,” Khurshid Khan, Chemistry, 12:30 p.m., W323 Chemistry Building
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• Chess and Scrabble Group, 1 p.m., Uptown Bill’s, 730 S. Dubuque
• Pharmacology Ph.D. Thesis Defense, “The Role of Mitochondrial Restructuring in Neuronal Ca2+ Homeostasis and Excitotoxicity,” Pat Houlihan, 1:30 p.m., 2117 Medical Education & Research Facility 
• Psychotherapy: More than Lying on a Couch, 1 p.m., Senior Center, 28 S. Linn
• Away In the Basement: A Church Basement Ladies Christmas, 2 & 7 p.m., Englert, 221 E. Washington
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• Life in Iowa Career Series, Networking, 4 p.m., 1117 University Capitol Center
• Trivia Night at the Old Capitol Museum, 5-7 p.m., Supreme Court Chamber
• Asian Heritage Jeopardy, 6 p.m., Asian Pacific American Cultural Center
• Gray Knights Chess Club, 6:30 p.m., Senior Center
• West Music Conservatory Superstars, 6:30 p.m., 1301 Fifth St., Coralville
• Spoken Word, 7 p.m., Uptown Bill’s
• “Live from Prairie Lights,” Harry Brod, nonfiction, 7 p.m., Prairie Lights, 15 S. Linn
• UI School of Music Presents Katie Wolfe, violin, Adrienne Kim, piano, 7:30 p.m., Riverside Recital HLL
• Spring Awakening, Mainstage Series, 8 p.m., Theater Building Mabie Theater

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