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New Feature! Sudoku below Horoscopes and Ledge, play online or print it out!



ARIES (March 21-April 19): Set a budget, and invest in your skills. Don’t let a professional setback stifle your creativity. Consider ways to upgrade what you already have to offer. Relationships look promising, but you’ll have to show greater interest to get results.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Listen to complaints and offer solutions. Showing leadership and compassion will help you advance. An unusual connection with someone you meet through work will develop. Remember past experience to avoid repeating a mistake.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Discipline will lead to victory. Someone who has made an impression on you will be a reminder of what you are capable of doing. Size up the situation you are facing with a peer, and do your best to sidestep any discord that arises.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Interact with people who have similar beliefs and goals. Work toward self-improvement and using your attributes to move forward. Networking functions will help you realize that you can offer more if you find other outlets for your talents.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Engage in community events or activities. Looking at your domestic situation from a new perspective will help you see what improvements you can make. Someone is likely to be upset with you. Consider how to make amends.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Discuss ideas, and see who joins your quest. Make changes to the way you do things that will put an end to ongoing squabbles with people who don’t appreciate what you have to offer. Move on to a better place mentally, emotionally, and physically.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Readdress the past before you move into the future. Realize what you may have done wrong, and make amends quickly. A trusted friend will make a suitable suggestion. Do whatever motivates you to reach your goals.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Nurture and protect what you’ve been working so hard to achieve. Learn from your mistakes. Remember to reward someone who has stuck by you through thick and thin. An imaginative plan to improve your domestic situation will pay off.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Implement change that will improve your life. Keep busy with physical jobs that take your mind off matters that are upsetting or cause anger. You can win in the end, but only if you recognize what has transpired.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Focus on work, money, and posturing. Striving to reach a pinnacle personally or professionally can be achieved if you focus on your strengths. Balance your past and present by being as honest and open as possible, and you will avoid guilt.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Don’t make a commitment. You are likely to change your mind once you have all the facts. Do your research, and stick to your own means and methods of doing things. Love is highlighted. Focus on time spent with someone special.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Contracts, settlements, and investments look promising. Honesty will be the determining factor when it comes to how far you will go and what you will achieve. You may have to reconsider what really happened in the past before you can move forward.



Ya Know What Your Problem Is?

• Not nearly enough hair gel.

• All that time you spend on the wharf is starting to take its toll on you, smell-wise.

• You’re thinking too much about the cheese. Just pick a nice Camembert and be done with it already.

• You’re just like your dad. You should by definition be much younger than your dad.

• No one can take you seriously with that duck tattoo on your face.

• You’ve been in the game too long. You’ve forgotten what being a towel boy even means.

• The big city swallowed you whole. Then it spit you out. Now you’re covered in spit.

• You wouldn’t know a bitch-slap if it hit you in the face.

• You dream too big. You will never invent a new color. The last time you shouted “Eureka,” it turned out to be red. Again.

• You dream too small. Maybe your dreams were fulfilled by that surprisingly un-stale couch cushion Cheeto, but maybe your girlfriend resents you saying so.

• You always want what you can’t have. Come on, “total world domination”? The technology is still at least three years away.

• You’re too handsome. Handsome is so last season.

• You’re a heartless bastard. Can’t you be nice for once in your life?

• You’re too nice. Everyone hates nice people because they make them feel bad about being heartless bastards.

• Too much hair gel.

You’ll never be Kit Bryant.






>> Click here to submit an event!

• English Language Learners’ Discussion Circle, 12 p.m., S126 Papajohn Business Building
• Exploring Majors Fairs, 12:30 p.m., IMU Main Lounge
• Physical & Environmental Chemistry Seminar, “Role of Glu41 in Binding of Dimannose to Cyanovirin-N and Mutants,” Sai Kumar Ramadugu, Chemistry, 12:30 p.m., 104 Iowa Advanced Technology Labs
• Nuclear and Particle Physics Seminar, “Topologically Massive Yang-Mills Theory and Link Invariants,” Tuna Yildirim, Physics/Astronomy, 1:30 p.m., 301 Van Allen
• Plasma Physics Seminar, “Collisional drift motion of dust particles in a DC gas-discharge plasma,” Bin Liu, Physics/Astronomy, 1:30 p.m., 309 Van Allen
• Adopt-A-Language Fair, 3 p.m., 1117 University Capitol Center
• Veterans Day Reception, 3 p.m., W401 Pappajohn Business Building
• Colloquium, “Building EMFISIS for the Radiation Belt Storm Probes: How Space Hardware is Developed,” Craig Kletzing, Physics/Astronomy, 3:30 p.m., 301 Van Allen
• Biology Graduate Student Seminar, “Why do cochlear neurons die after defeaning?,” Erin Bailey, and “Candidate genes involved in asexual reproduction in Ceratopteris richardii,” Linh Bui, 4 p.m., 101 Biology Building East
• Hawkeye Ballroom Dance Company Lessons, 6 p.m., Old Brick, 26 E. Market
• *Salud: A Documentary on the Cuban Health Care System*, 6:30 p.m., N120 College of Public Health Building
• GLBT Movie Series, 6:30 p.m., Senior Center, 28 S. Linn
•  “Live from Prairie Lights,” Davy Rothbart, nonfiction, 7 p.m., Prairie Lights, 15 S. Dubuque
• Teaching Opportunities in the Peace Corps, 7 p.m., 1117 University Capitol Center
• The Be Good Tanyas, 8 p.m., Englert, 221 E. Washington
• Open Mike, with J Knight, 8 p.m., Mill, 120 E. Burlington
• Stephanie Patterson, bassoon, 8 p.m., University Capitol Center Recital Hall
• One-Night Stand, 9 p.m., Yacht Club, 13 S. Linn


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