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New Feature! Sudoku below Horoscopes and Ledge, play online or print it out!



ARIES (March 21-April 19): You should travel, regardless of distance, to enjoy the company of someone you share an interest with or who can contribute to what you are working toward. A change in your financial situation is apparent, and a personal investment will pay off.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Give-and-take will be necessary if you want to maintain balance at work or in a partnership. Don’t let emotions run wild. Use your imagination wisely to differentiate what you have to offer. Put pressure on anyone holding you back.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Choose your friends and colleagues wisely. You will be prone to getting involved with someone who withholds information or is vague. Love is in the stars. Networking will bring about both personal and professional opportunities.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Mingle with people who are into the same things you are. A creative hobby will bring about various options that will enable you to explore new avenues, pastimes, and lifestyles. Don’t let a jealous relationship stand in your way.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): The people you are closest to will be the most difficult to deal with. Keep an open mind, and schedule interesting activities. A personal change will do you good.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Don’t mix business with pleasure. Avoid anyone looking for an argument or trying to pressure you into something you’d prefer not to do. Overreacting, overspending, and overindulging will end up ruining your personal plans.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Getting rid of clutter will serve a purpose. The help you give by donating items you no longer use will benefit someone who can offer you insight in return. Exploring a creative idea will lead to prosperity. Love is on the rise.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Depression will set in if you let emotional issues concerning a relative or friend get to you. Try to separate what you do from those having a negative effect on your emotional wellness. Let your creative imagination lead to positive output.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Take a close look at any deal being offered, and you will find a way to slant it in your favor. Use your charm, or even a little innocent manipulation, and you will be able to make changes that will improve your life.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You can pick up information that will help you advance if you are disciplined and attentive. Focus on consistency and responsibility, and you will win favors and the support you need from someone in a high position.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Don’t question others or volunteer information that is likely to be used against you or to defeat you. Put more effort into your home, family, and financial situation. You will also find a way to excel in a new and interesting direction.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Sit back and see what transpires. Secure your position by observing what others do. Stick to basics when discussing your plans; the less you share with others, the better you will do. For now, it’s best to be secretive about your plans.



More Democratese:

• “You shouldn’t need a photo ID to vote in America.” = How the hell are we supposed to get pictures of dead people?

• “We’ll get tough on China.” = If those naughty Commies don’t stop their inhumane working practices, we’re gonna go borrow our trillions of dollars from somebody else. Then they’ve see the errors of their ways.

• “We will end the war in Afghanistan.” = We don’t know what the hell to do with that situation, either. Why are we even there? Oh … right.

• “If Republicans would simply work with us and not against us …” = If Republicans would just admit that we’re right …

• “Americans are better off today than they were four years ago.” = Nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah, we killed Osama.

• “Obamacare does NOT have death panels.” = ObamaCare does NOT have death panels … yet. We’re waiting for the second term to roll those out.

• “We will preserve Social Security and Medicare.” = Friggin’ old geezers and useless deadbeats better vote for us or else.

• “We saved the American auto industry.” = You have *us* to thank for the new GMC Canyons and Chevy Colorados — the least fuel-efficient small pickups on the road, according our Department of Energy, which we also love pouring money into. ISN’T OUR NATION’S ENDLESS MONEY SUPPLY AWESOME?

Duncan Stewart is a jack-booted government employee. He thanks Andrew R. Juhl for help with today’s Ledge and for erasing that embarrassing videotape of his law school interview.






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• Zena Werb Seminar, 9:30 a.m., 5-669 Bowen Science Building
• How to Use Endnote, 11 a.m., Hardin Library
• Culture for Lunch, “Ancient Chinese Thought’s Effect on Traditional Architectural Culture,” 12:15 p.m., 1117 University Capitol Center
• Biochemistry Workshop, Chen & Trammell, 12:30 p.m., 283 Eckstein Medical Research Building
• English Conversation Group, 12:30 p.m., Melrose Conference Room 6 Pomerantz Family Pavilion
• Literary Lunch Hour, “How to Breathe Underwater,” Julie Orringer, 12:30 p.m., Medical Education and Research Facility
• Operator Theory Seminar, “Spectrum and geometric patterns,” Palle Jorgensen, Mathematics, 1:30 p.m., 358 Van Allen
• “My Life in Nicaragua: Experiences of a Currently Serving Peace Corps Volunteer,” Alexandria Sharpe, 2 p.m., 1117 University Capitol Center
• Math Physics Seminar, “Gauge Operators and Garding-Wightman Fields,”  William Boos, Mathematics, 2:30 p.m., 301 Van Allen
• Microbiology Seminar, “A case of memory loss: local B cell responses to influenza infection,” Nicole Baumgarth, University of California-Davis, 3 p.m., Bowen Auditorium 3
• English Language Learner’s Discussion Circle, 3:30 p.m., S126 Papajohn Business Building
• YoungJung Cha, piano, 6 p.m., University Capitol Center Recital Hall
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• Tango Club Practica, 7 p.m., Senior Center, 28 S. Linn
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