New Feature! Sudoku below Horoscopes and Ledge, play online or print it out!

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Lighten up. All work and no play will lead to emotional upset. Put everything aside, and you will enhance your relationships and feel good about your future. Don’t be a poor sport. You’ll get better responses if you are fun to be with.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Nurture a relationship, and you will benefit. A trip to visit someone you have a concern with will help you resolve issues. Strengthen your position, and protect what you have worked so hard to achieve. Creative solutions will be recognized.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Face controversy head-on, refusing to back down from anyone trying to take over your territory. Pull in favors that will allow you to surpass any competition you face. Love is highlighted, and a late-night celebration should be planned.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Connect with people who have something to offer. A change in the way you handle your money, people, and the projects you want to pursue will help you excel. Added discipline will help you recognize what’s required of you in order to prosper.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Truth rules; it will be beneficial in the end. Problems at home and with family will keep you busy. Do your best to find workable solutions that don’t cost too much. Hands-on help coupled with enthusiasm and good ideas will pay off.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Learn from observation and listening to how others perceive what’s unfolding. Troubles at home because of disagreements should be avoided at all costs. It’s better to ride out the storm and make adjustments later. Keep your life simple and moderate.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You’ve got what it takes to excel. Don’t hesitate to take over and do your thing. Your ability to adapt to whatever changes happen around you will give you the edge; they should lead to greater respect and a higher position. Love is highlighted.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Enforce an idea you have. Fear of failure must not be your demise. Own mistakes, and learn from them. An emotional relationship with someone you trust will give you the courage you need to press forward. Don’t be afraid to be a little different.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Buy yourself time regarding matters that have to deal with you parting with your cash. Focus more on relationships and what others have to offer you. Make changes at home that will encourage your love life to be enhanced. Collect debts.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Put your expertise to work without gloating. It’s in your best interest to remain humble and generous to those you encounter personally and professionally. Don’t allow jealousy to create dissatisfaction.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Stick close to home, and focus on improvements that will cut your overhead, ease your stress, and make important relationships better. The more you do to fix up your place or to build a strong home base, the less opposition you will face.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Put time and effort into financial, medical, and legal settlements that are pending. You can push others to resolve issues that will help you move forward with other dreams, hopes, and wishes for the future. Avoid excess or overindulgent people.


• “All Americans should pay their fair share of taxes.” = Except rich people. They should pay their fair taxes and then some. That’s what they get for trying harder than everyone else. Jerks.

• “Health care is a right, not a privilege.” = Having five cigarettes with your PBR, Big Mac, and fries is a privilege. A privilege that is your right as an American. Now, finish your meal so we can pay for your second triple bypass.

• “We want a leaner, nimbler military.” = Which is why we’re gonna take away their food and put ’em all in Spandex. Oh, and the Pentagon would make just the perfect public-housing project, don’t you think? It’s got that nice courtyard …

· “Marriage equality is the right thing to do.” = Queers throw the best weddings, and you know it.

· “Women should be free to make their own health-care choices.” = Except women who disagree that women should be free to make their own health-care decisions. Those women should shut up.

· “We need to do some nation building here at home.” = We need to rebuild thousands of miles of currently serviceable roads, as well as millions of addition miles of interstates to nowhere, so Americans can drive more and grow increasing need for domestic vehicles.

· “God bless America.” = You know we’re all Muslims, just like the president, right? I mean, how can you not know that?

Duncan Stewart is a jack-booted government employee. He thanks Andrew R. Juhl for help with today’s Ledge and for refueling the black helicopter.

>> Click here to submit an event!

• Book Babies, 10:30 a.m. and 1:30 p.m., Iowa City Public Library, 123 S. Linn
• IWP Panel, 12 p.m., Iowa City Public Library
• Exploring Majors Fair, 12:30 p.m., IMU Main Lounge
• UIMA November First Friday, 5 p.m., hotelVetro, 201 S. Linn
• World Canvass: IWP Writing the Stories of the World, 5 p.m., Old Capitol Museum
• Iowa City Song Project Record Release Show, 7 p.m., Englert Theatre, 331 E. Washington
• "Live from Prairie Lights," Carl Ernst reading, 7 p.m. Prairie Lights Bookstore
• Waiting for Lightning, 7 p.m., Bijou
• Brian Stokes Mitchell, 7:30 p.m., Riverside Casino & Golf Resort Event Center, 3184 Highway 22
• Midwest Composers Symposium, 7:30 p.m., IMU Second Floor Ballroom, IMU
• SIMS, 7:30 p.m., Gabe’s
• CAB Film: Paranorman, 8 and 11 p.m., IMU Illinois Room
• Dance Gala 2012, 8 p.m., Space Place Theatre
• Wuthering Heights 9:30 p.m., Bijou
• Phish Tribute with Dr. Z’s Experiment, 10 p.m., Yacht Club
• Black Skies, 10:15 p.m., Gabe’s

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