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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Pump things up, and take on as much as you can. Keeping busy will be your best move. A last-minute change of plans will play out in your favor. Embrace adventure, and plan to make the most of your day. Live, love, and learn.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Tie up any business deals or work-related matters that are playing heavily on your mind. Sorting out differences you may have with a colleague or client will ensure that you enjoy your weekend. Spend time with friends, a lover, and family.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Fine-tune any project you are working on, and move on. Don’t let anyone confuse you or lead you astray. Anger solves nothing, but taking positive action will ensure that you make a good impression and avoid critical responses. Keep everyone guessing.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Unpredictable actions will not go over well if you are trying to complete a deal. Don’t allow emotions to interfere with what you need to accomplish, and focus on finishing what you start. Spend time with the people you love.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Don’t judge others, or you will end up being the one who is judged. Listen to complaints being made, and do your best to come up with a solution that will redeem your reputation as well as keep you in a leadership position.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Communication will be key if you want to get to the bottom of a situation that required personal change. Remaining calm and offering practical options will help you get your way in the end. An old friend will offer something special.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Remembering an incident that happened a long time ago will prevent you from making a similar mistake again. Broaden your horizons, and don’t refrain from doing what you want because someone displays jealousy or tries to derail your plans.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Gear up, and get moving. Look at ways to improve your social life, and use your home better to suit your needs and to accommodate the people you love the most. Creativity and romance are both in a high cycle. Enjoy new developments.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): With a little extra effort, you can make a personal change that will brighten your day and allow you to further an interest you have been considering for some time. Let go of what isn’t working, and make room for new possibilities.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): It won’t be smooth sailing, but what you can accomplish if you are determined and creative in the way you approach your goals will lead to the success you desire. A joint venture will turn out better than anticipated.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Sidestep mishaps by sticking close to home, and avoid costly ventures or being enticed to purchase a high-ticket item you cannot afford. Focus on home and working with what you have to make improvements that will ease stress.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): An opportunity to make some extra cash will also give you the chance to work alongside someone who inspires and motivates you to finish what you start. What you learn now will help you advance in the future. Listen carefully.

Debunking Iowa Myths, Part 2:

• “Iowans always wear striped overalls.” That’s just silly; everyone knows you need to put on the powder-blue polyester leisure suit for formal occasions.

• “The only animals raised in Iowa are cows and pigs.” Afraid not; Iowa’s Amish puppy mills churn out pit-boodles, rott-huahuas, and many other bizarre hybrid dogs.

• “Iowa is homophobic.” As if. Our favorite sport is wrestling — two beefy hunks in skimpy outfits groping each other shamelessly. Same-sex marriage is legal, too.

• “Iowa has no culture.” Um, hellooo? Slipknot.

• “Iowa lets kids drive at too young an age.” Negatory; state law is clear — you must be out of your booster seat to get a permit.

• “Iowans will eat anything on a stick.” But unless it’s fried, sugared, and/or covered with chocolate, no self-respecting Iowan will pick up that stick.

• “Iowa hunters shoot each other more than the animals they are gunning for.” No way. Natural Resource studies prove conclusively that road signs are the No. 1 target for Iowa outdoorsmen.

Duncan Stewart thanks The Atlantic for permission to distort the facts.

>> Click here to submit an event!

• Book Babies, 10:30 a.m., Iowa City Public Library, 123 S. Linn
• Chess Group, 1 p.m., Uptown Bill’s, 730 S. Dubuque
• Exploring Majors Fair, 12:30 p.m., IMU Main Lounge
• Book Babies, 1:30 a.m., Iowa City Public Library
• Knitting Nurse, 2 p.m., Home Ec Workshop 207 N. Linn
• Graduate Seminar, “Below the Flow: Imaging Stream Water’s travel through the Subsurface,” 3:30 p.m., 3321 Seamans Center
• Carnival Sculpting/Wire Bending and Carnival Costume Construction, 4 p.m., B1 North Hall
• Jazz After Five, Steve Grismore Trio, 5 p.m., Mill, 120 E. Burlington
• Landlocked Film Festival, 5 p.m., Englert
• Creepy Campus Crawl: Super Natural History Bros, 6:30 p.m., Museum of Natural History
• “Live from Prairie Lights,” Robert Grunst, poetry, 7 p.m., Prairie Lights
• *Manning Up*, 7:30 p.m., Riverside Theater, 213 N. Gilbert
• Campus Activities Board Film, *The Amazing Spiderman*,” 8 p.m., 348 IMU
• *Dance Gala 2012*, 8 p.m., North Hall Space/Place
• *Schlafende Hunde*, 8:30 p.m., Bijou
• Cross-Country Comedy Competition, 9 p.m., Mill
• Shorty B’s B-Day Bash, 9 p.m., Gabe’s, 330 E. Washington
• Tomorrow’s Bad Seeds, Fire Sale, 9 p.m., Gabe’s

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