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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Your intuition will not let you down when dealing with partners. Asking questions and using diplomacy will help you get the answers you are looking for so you can make decisions and move forward with your life.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Collaborating with someone with experience will help you in many ways. What you can do when you put your mind to it will help to set your goals higher. Romance is in the stars and will enhance a relationship that’s important to you.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Don’t let confusion cost you. Use your imagination, and you’ll gain instead of lose. Staying power will be the determining factor when it comes to your success. Ask for a favor if it will help you complete a task.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Past experience, an excellent memory, and preparation will help you reach your goal. Love is highlighted, and socializing with someone special to celebrate what you have accomplished will enhance your relationship.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Be careful how you deal with friends and relatives. Not everyone will share your thoughts. Listen carefully, and follow practical suggestions that will help you stabilize your personal position. Do what you can to help a good cause.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Get involved in a worthwhile organization, but don’t offer more than you can afford to part with financially. More time spent with family, fixing up your home, or repairing a relationship that needs a little tender loving care is your best bet.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The element of surprise will make what you do more inviting to someone you want to entice to join you. Love is in the stars, and getting together with someone from your past will change your outlook and get you back on track.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Assess your situation at home. Personal changes can be made that will boost your confidence and help you move in a direction you find more suitable. Let your intuition guide you when dealing with older relatives or someone you must answer to.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Expect the unexpected when dealing with friends, relatives, or people in your community. Not everyone will be honest, which can send you down the wrong path. Focus more on your home and the changes that will help improve your lifestyle.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Take a walk down memory lane, and remember some of the people you have known who may be able to contribute to your current situation. You have plenty to gain if you attend a reunion or call up an old friend.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Consider your options. Take note of the costs involved before you take on a new contract, lease, or payment. You don’t want to limit your freedom to do the things you enjoy most. Alterations to your living space will improve your situation.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Show off; what you do to impress people will help you win a contract or position that can alter your future. Love and romance are in a high cycle, and plans to celebrate with someone you care for will improve your relationship.

Debunking Iowa Myths, Part 1:

• “All they grow in Iowa are corn and soybeans.” And weed, man. Killer weed.

• “Everyone who is successful or famous flees Iowa as soon as they can to live in the city.” Untrue. Cary Grant, Tiny Tim, and Clyde Barrow’s brother Buck all came to Iowa to die.

• “Iowa is flat and boring to drive through.” Pure fiction. Iowa is hilly, then flat, then hilly, and boring to drive through.

• “Presidential candidates love coming to Iowa.” Nope. Sitting on hay bales makes their asses itch, and they know they look stupid riding on tractors.

• “Most rural Iowans are toothless rednecks addicted to meth.” Au contraire. Many Iowa rustics have dentures and stick to plain ol’ corn liquor.

• “Iowa towns are so small they only have one traffic light.” Ha. In fact, many traffic lights have no town at all.

• “Iowans are all old, white, and conservative.” Actually, the fastest growing demographic in Iowa is students from COMMUNIST China.

• “Iowa is known as the Hawkeye State.” Wrong, wrong, wrong. “Hog Eye” State.

Duncan Stewart thanks The Atlantic for permission to distort the facts.

>> Click here to submit an event!

• Preschool Story Time, 10:30 a.m., Iowa City Public Library,123 S. Linn
• Senior Tech Zone, 10:30 a.m., Iowa City Public Library
• English Language Learners’ Discussion Circle, 11 a.m., S126 Pappajohn Business Building
• Epidemiology Seminar, “Field Experiences in Public Health: Cases of E. coli associated with lettuce,” 11:30 a.m., N120 Center for Public Health Building
• “Never Again: How Genocide and Other Mass Atrocities Can Be Prevented,” noon, Congregational United Church, 30 N. Clinton
• Analytical Chemistry Seminar, “Microfluidic Devices for Cancer Cell Isolation and Detection,” Angie Morris
12:30 p.m., 125 Trowbridge
• Teen Tech Zone, 3 p.m., Iowa City Public Library
• “From Snakes’ Blood to Sewage: Mythology and Ecology of a Minor River in Rajasthan,” Ann Grodzins Gold, 4 p.m., 2390 University Capitol Center
• Landlocked Film Festival, 5 p.m., Englert, 221 E. Washington
• Jazz Rep Ensemble & Johnson County Landmark, 6 p.m., Mill, 120 E. Burlington
• “The Moving Image Among the Arts,” 6:30 p.m., 101 Becker
• Carnival Iowa, 7 p.m. Yacht Club, 13 S. Linn
• “Live from Prairie Lights,” Justin Cronin, fiction, 7 p.m. Prairie Lights, 15 S. Dubuque
• Open Mike, 7 p.m., Uptown Bill’s, 730 S. Dubuque
• Burlington Street Bluegrass Band, 7 p.m., Mill
• V/H/S, 7 p.m., Bijou
• Manning Up, 7:30 p.m., Riverside Theater, 213 N. Gilbert
• Mixology, 10 p.m., Gabe’s, 330 E. Washington
• Dana Telsrow, 8:30 p.m., Yacht Club
• Detropia, 9:30 p.m., Bijou
• Talk Art, 10 p.m., Mill
• Mike Manglone & the Union, 10 p.m., Mill

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