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New Feature! Sudoku below Horoscopes and Ledge, play online or print it out!



ARIES (March 21-April 19): Get serious about your financial relationships with personal or business partners. Collect what’s owed to you, and pay off any debts you’ve incurred. Once you establish your position free and clear of others, you will be able to embrace greater opportunity.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Nothing will be clear if you refuse to ask questions. Emotional matters will escalate, and a reluctance to give you the help you require will cause setbacks. Take note of anyone using pressure to manipulate a situation you face.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Tread carefully in social settings. Refrain from making physical changes with the potential to turn out badly. Focus on what you can do to help the underdog or how you can improve your most important relationships. Under-spend, overwork, and you’ll excel.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Network until you get what you want. Your insight and ability to touch others with your plans, and knowledge will in turn lead to interesting options that will help you improve your personal lifestyle and surroundings. Love is in the stars.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Pick your words carefully. Not everyone will be eager to follow your lead. The less pressure you put on others, the better. Focus more on making self-improvements. Push negative people away, and embrace those heading in a similar direction.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Explore new avenues. Follow your basic instincts, and try your hand at something you’ve always wanted to do. Don’t let mishaps at home hold you back. A financial gain can be made if you can separate your funds from someone who tends to overspend.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Expand your knowledge, add to your skills, and most of all, take care of matters that pertain to children, close friends, or a partner who has been jerking you around. Straight communication will lead to answers and solutions.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Bickering will be a waste of time. Emotional issues will continue to escalate if you don’t put your foot down and make a decision regarding whoever is disrupting your life. Follow your heart and your intuition. Love is highlighted.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Keep what you are doing low-key. The less you discuss your personal life, the better. Someone you least expect will try to force you into an argument that is based on false information. Make alterations at home to improve your situation.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Look over personal deals, contracts, and investments. You can make changes that are better suited to the economic climate if you think matters through and make your moves based on your future needs. Back away from impulsive individuals.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Avoid travel or dealing with people from foreign backgrounds. You aren’t likely to get the satisfaction you want or get promises fulfilled. Financial limitations are apparent if you take on additional responsibilities. Make improvements at home that will ease your stress.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): There is money to be made if you invest in something you feel comfortable pursuing. Contracts, settlements, and pending legal matters can be dealt with efficiently. Love is in the stars. Making a promise will help clear up a misconception.



Notes to Self:

• When your girlfriend extends her wrist and says, “Smell,” you should be reticent with your assessment of her new perfume. She may have already decided that she likes it, and she may very well not appreciate you saying it smells “like a tween prostitute.”

• Furthermore, the situation cannot be rectified with the later assertion that you “really enjoy the smell of tween prostitutes.”

• When skinny dipping, never again do a cannon ball if you at-all value your testicles.

• Also, never again refer to one of your over-fertile cousin’s newborns as “straight out of the box.”

• Next time you negotiate your condo association’s snow-removal fee for the upcoming winter with the very attractive sale representative, find a better way to ask “How much will you charge to plow all 12 of us?”

• It’s possible to walk faster than Hy-Vee’s automatic sliding doors can open.

• The furnace is fine; there is no leak. You were in the basement doing laundry an hour ago, and you farted.

• Brush your teeth or poop. Don’t try to multitask. Also: buy new toothbrush.

• Your cat likes to attack the “Blanket Monster.” You know this. You tap your hands under the blanket in order to provoke such attacks. You have no reason to be upset, then, when the cat mistakes a morningwood tent for the Blanket Monster.

Andrew R. Juhl wishes he was kidding about that snow-removal-fee story.









>> Click here to submit an event!

• How to Use Web of Science, 9 a.m., Hardin Library
• Pepperwood Plaza Public Computer Access, 10 a.m., Pepperwood Plaza Police Substation, 1067 Highway 6 E.
• Pharmacology Postdoctoral Workshop, “Functional Characterization of a Gbeta3 Spice Variant Associated with the C825T Polymorphism and Implicated in Human Diseases,” Zhizeng Sun, 10:30 a.m., 1117 Medical Education & Research Facility,
• Special Nuclear and Particle Physics Seminar, “Mass Deformation and the Conformal Window on the Lattice,” Ethan Neil, Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory, 11 a.m., 309 Van Allen
• Preschool Story Time, 10:30 a.m., Coralville Public Library, 1401 Fifth St.
• Toddler Story Time, 10:30 am, Iowa City Public Library, 123 S. Linn
• Research Professionals Network Open Forum, “Corporate Funded Clinical Trials Agreements,” Jeff Martin and Wendy Beaver, noon, C44-A UIHC General Hospital
• English Conversation Group, 12:30 p.m., Pomerantz Center
• Arthritis Foundation Exercise Program, 1 p.m., Senior Center, 28 S. Linn
• Line Dance Lessons, 1 p.m., Senior Center
• Operator Theory Seminar, “Labeled Leavitt Algebras,” Richard Baker, Mathematics, 1:30 p.m., 358 Van Allen
• Optical Science Technology Center Materials Seminar, “Spin Transport in Strained Non-magnetic Zinc Blende Semiconductor,” Benjamin Moehlmann, Physics/Astronomy, 1:30 p.m., 104 Iowa Advanced Technology Labs
• Math Physics Seminar, “Reflection positivity and Cook’s condition in Euclidean relativistic quantum mechanics,” Wayne Polyzou, Physics/Astronomy, 2:15 p.m., 301 Van Allen
• Vision Loss Resource Fair, 2:30 p.m., Senior Center
• Farmers’ Market, 3 p.m., Sycamore Mall, 1660 Sycamore St
• Microbiology Seminar, “The ABCs of bacterial cell division,” Thomas Bernhardt, Harvard Medical School, 3 p.m. Bowen Auditorium 3
• Stanley Awards Informational Workshop, 3:30 p.m., 1117 University Capitol Center
• Library-Community Writing Center, 4 p.m., Iowa City Public Library
• “Bernini's Terracotta Sketches and the Fire of Art,” Steven Ostrow, visiting speaker in Art History, 5:30 p.m., Art Building West
• Six-Week Start-Up, 6 p.m., BioVenture Center 2500 Crosspark Road, Coralville 
• “Live from Prairie Lights,” Joseph Dobrian, nonfiction, 7 p.m., Prairie Lights, 15 S. Dubuque
• Tango Club Practica, 7 p.m., Senior Center
• V/H/S, 7 p.m., Bijou
• I-Envision Entrepreneurship Meeting, Karen Kubby, owner of Beadology, 7:30 p.m., Bedell Entrepreneurship Learning Laboratory
• IWP Cinémathèque, IWP resident Alina Dadaeva (Uzbekistan) leads a discussion on Ivan Vassilievich Changes Profession (1973, USSR), 7:30 p.m., E105 Adler
• Detropia, 9:30 p.m., Bijou

 


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