New Feature! Sudoku below Horoscopes and Ledge, play online or print it out!

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Greater acknowledgment is heading in your direction. Flaunt your talents, and exercise your rights. It's your beliefs and the way you present what you do best that will lead to future advancement. Simple but effective will lead to victory.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Don't let insecurity take over. Pipe up instead of down. Express your opinions, and welcome challenge or opposition. In the end, your views will be heard and solutions will be found. Compromise is not backing down, it's finding a way forward.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Protection from injury, arguments, and overdoing it emotionally, physically, or financially will be necessary. Focus on completing what you start and doing the job or task that needs your undivided attention first. Re-evaluate your next move.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Take on a creative challenge, or get involved in an event that leads to new friendships or a closer bond with your lover. Personal changes will turn out well and set the stage for things to come. Let your imagination lead to new beginnings.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Don't leave anything to chance, especially if it has to do with your home, family and your future finances. Secure your position, and show greater versatility when expressing your thoughts and considering your choices. Use a past connection to advance now.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You'll learn by observing others. Listen to what's offered, and choose what interests you the most. Limiting what you take on will allow you to perfect what you do by adding details that result in greater returns.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Emotional matters are exalted, and sharing and expressing your true feelings will help you get your point across. Indulge in a little reminiscing, and you will spark an old interest that can lead to a new beginning.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): All work and no play will not lead to happiness. Put a little love and excitement into your day, and you will prosper in ways that will rejuvenate and accelerate your personal life. Don't limit what you can do because you aren't a participant.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Minor mishaps can be expected. Slow down, avoid stressful situations, and don't overdo it physically. Rely on good friends or a partner who can pick up the slack and give you a timeout. Pampering and regrouping will be your best bet.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Put your emotions aside, and face whatever situation comes your way. Force will not be the answer, but common sense and practical solutions will be. Erratic behavior is the enemy and must be avoided, whether it's you or someone else who is being impulsive.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Keep your thoughts private. Focus on getting ahead by dealing with medical, legal, or financial matters swiftly. Discipline will be required, and it will end up being your ticket to success. Work and money will lead to a better lifestyle and home environment.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Don't get into an argument. Concentrate on making deals and financial gains. Letting trivial matters lead you astray will be your downfall. A partnership is prominent, and a promise made will lead to an interesting offer you cannot refuse.

Republican Aphorisms, Part 1:

• A bird in the hand is worth much less now than it was under Bush.

• If you can't stand the heat, buy a study that disproves global warming.

• An eye for an eye is just sensible foreign policy.

• Crime doesn't pay. Except for the white-collar kind. That pays exorbitantly.

• When the going gets tough, the tough get inexact about their policies.

• A fool and his money should meet with my investment-banker buddy.

• There is never, ever, ever, EVER any free lunch.

• A friend in need is probably part of the 47 percent.

• The pen is mightier than the sword, but why take a chance?

• He who fights and runs away is a hippie.

• Beggars can't be voters.

• Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder, but God wants you to wait. (He's sorta weird about that.)

• What goes up, must come down. (Except for the economy. It can only ever go up. Ever.)

• The leopard cannot change its spots. (Unless it's running for president.)

• The meek shall inherit nothing. But — there will be no inheritance tax on the nothing.

WILL HARTMAN acknowledges that the low-hanging fruit is sometimes the tastiest.

>> Click here to submit an event!

• Toddler Story Time, 10:30 a.m., Iowa City Public Library, 123 S. Linn
• Physical and Environmental Chemistry Seminar, “Environmental Interfaces From Around the World in One Talk,” 12:30 p.m., 104 Iowa Advanced Technology Laboratories
• Topics in Collaborative and Interdisciplinary Research, Institute for Clinical and Translational Science, 12:30 p.m., C44-A UIHC General Hospital
• Nuclear and Particle Physics Seminar, “Confining Geometries Dual to Strongly Coupled Gague Theories,” Catherine Whiting, Physics/Astronomy, 1:30 p.m., 301 Van Allen
• Wii Bowling, 1:30 p.m., Senior Center, 28 S. Linn
• Sit and Knit, 2 p.m., Senior Center
• Physics/Astronomy Colloquium,Exploring the Atmospheres of Extrasolar Super-Earths,” Eliza Kempton, Grinnell College, 3:30 p.m., 301 Van Allen
• Biology Graduate Student Seminars, “PRICKLE1 modulates digit and interdigital membrane cellular identity,” Tian Yang, and “Modeling Epilepsy in flies,” Katie Cranston, 4 p.m., 101 Biology Building East
• Healthy Pregnancy Class & Meet the Doulas, 6 p.m., Panera Bread, 1646 Sycamore
• GLBT Movie Series, Beautiful Boxer, 6:30 p.m., Senior Center
• “Live from Prairie Lights,” David Finch, memoir, 7 p.m., W10 Pappajohn Business Building
• “Live from Prairie Lights,” J. Robert Lennon, fiction, 7 p.m., Prairie Lights, 15 S. Dubuque
• Open Mike, with J Knight, 8 p.m., Mill, 120 E. Burlington
• One-Night Stand, 9 p.m., Yacht Club, 13 S. Linn

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