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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Mingle, take part in functions, and network. Indulge in projects geared toward using your creativity. Change is in the stars, but you have to take the first step. Make things happen, and you will excel. A financial gain is apparent.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Personal problems will affect your work and productivity. Keep your personal and professional lives separate, and avoid making a rash decision that will alter the dynamics of your family and your household. Protect and nurture what you have.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Don't let disappointment slow you down. Use your ingenuity and adaptability to move forward with or without the people you thought you could count on for help. Get out, interact, and make new friends. Surround yourself with people who share your goals.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): You can make a difference if you share your knowledge and experience with others. Friendship is on the rise, and the opportunity to get involved personally or professionally with someone who shares your concerns will lead to a relationship.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Size up your situation, and prepare to take action or expect to be criticized for not doing your part. Emotions will be close to the surface, and problems with older individuals or those you live with will develop if you aren't patient.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Interacting with others will lead to new endeavors and friendships. What you learn now will help you make wiser choices regarding the people you associate with and the types of indulgences that tempt you. Talks will lead to romance and opportunities.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Emotional decisions will end up being costly. Overspending on something you don't really need must be avoided. Focus on what you can learn from people who come from different backgrounds, and you will find a way to get what you want.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You have to work diligently if you are going to maintain your position and be in the running to advance. Don't share your ideas — someone will surpass you and take credit for what you are trying to do. Make home improvements.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Home improvements, a move, or investments will all turn out well for you. There is money to be made but also to lose if you don't take what you receive and put it in a safe place. "Easy come, easy go" will lead nowhere.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Don't hesitate to answer questions. Keeping your thoughts out in the open will lead to better relationships with others and greater possibilities with regard to love, money, and prospects for the future. Consistency will be required.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You'll be at a loss if you let someone take control. Be creative, and find a way to call the shots when it comes to the way you want things done at home or with regard to finances. Speak your mind compassionately.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Gains and losses are both prevalent. Think before you make a move that is costly. A love relationship may be exciting, but it mustn't be allowed to put you into the poorhouse. Make plans that don't break the bank.

 

 

 

 


What NOT to say when pulled over:

• "No sir, I would never text while driving; my crappy iPhone 4 won't let me text and watch a movie at the same time."

• "Well you see, Ma'am, I'm Australian, and this is the right side of the road where I come from."

• "What? Now there's a law on how many times I can go round the traffic circle?"

• "No officer, that is not a kilo of marijuana. It's closer to 800 grams. I just made a big sale."

• "Everybody gets soooo pissy when you toss one measly beer bottle out the window at them."

• "A wheelchair? So that's what that dragging noise was? I knew I hit something."

• "You win, Mr. Policeman, sir. I'm putting myself under citizen's arrest as of right now. I'll be sure to drive me directly to the jail. Run along, now. Go fight crime and stuff."

• "Rock, Paper, Scissors?"

• "Is that your night stick or are you just happy to stop me?"

• "What kind of idiot would strap their dog to the top of a car? Oh … huh … yeah, that's Spot."

• "No fair, you stopped me but not the guy I was racing? That's profiling!"

• "I know I swerved suddenly, but Bon Jovi came on the radio, so I had to turn it off before my head exploded."

Duncan Stewart always keeps his hands in plain sight.













 
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