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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Don't get into a scuffle over money or contracts. Either the deal you are doing suits your needs, or it doesn't. Keep things amiable so that you can readdress what you want to accomplish when you are likely to get a better reception.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Stick to the job you are asked to do, and move on. Letting emotions affect the way you perform will hurt your reputation. Put pressure on anyone who is not contributing equally. Accept change positively, and you will avoid criticism.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Put your skills to work. Demonstrate and articulate what you have to offer. Networking and reconnecting with people you have worked with will pay off. Ask — favors will be granted. Love is highlighted.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Experiment with ideas, and you will come up with a tangible way to best use your skills. Traveling or getting involved in activities foreign to you will help you elaborate and execute an idea you want to get off the ground.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Fix whatever isn't working for you. Anger won't solve anything, but doing what works best for you will. Don't waste time when change is what's required. Speak up; announce what you are doing, and proceed with confidence.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Impulse is the enemy. Take a back seat, and let others take chances. Focus on you and being the best you can be. Meditation or putting more time and energy into your past, present, and future will lead to greater mindfulness and inner success.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Choose your words wisely. Opposition at home can be expected. Concentrate on work, money, and saving. Use diplomacy and charm in order to reach an agreement. A change of heart can be expected if someone disappoints you. Compromise will lead to victory.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Try something new. A break from your routine will help you see projects or people differently. An emotional situation will be difficult to rectify because of limitations set by someone else. Travel down the path that leads to your success.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Go on an adventure. Romance is highlighted. Plan a little excitement, travel, and playtime, and you will enhance a relationship that brings about positive changes. Take care of professional problems swiftly so you can move forward.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Avoid anyone trying to instigate something you don't want any part of. Avoid rumors or taking part in a situation that will hurt someone's reputation. Taking the high road will lead to your advancement. Keep travel and communication to a minimum.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Abide by the rules when it comes to financial, legal, or medical decisions. Dealing with institutions will be difficult if you show anger. Put your energy into love, home, and family as well as accumulating what you need to improve your lifestyle.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Alter your home to better suit your needs. Having a workspace that will inspire you to be more productive will bring positive results. A skill you have can be used more diversely. One of your peers, friends, or a pet may need your help.

 

 

 

 


Parenting is Hell:

• Do you have any idea how humiliating it is to lose 500 games of Zombie Slaughter Mania to an 8-year-old?

• With rare exceptions, even puppies instinctively poop outside.

• Parents don't get an allowance for pretending to clean out the cage of the ferret their son just had to have and swore he'd take care of forever and ever and ever.

• You'll wish you'd kept that damned booster seat — kids start driving at 11 in Iowa, and I swear they can get a school permit at 12.

• How do you punish children when they purloin your six-pack of PBR — but "replace" it with Blue Moon?

• Very embarrassing to have to ask the 10-year-old how to turn on the Tivo-cable-DVR-satellite thingie so you can watch "Star Trek" reruns on Netflix.

• Having a kid in eighth grade really is like reliving the worst year of your life, complete with algebra homework.

• You have to learn all those damned texting symbols — LOL, WTF, BFF, just to communicate with your daughter locked in her room down the hall.

• Just how much bloody Christmas wrapping paper are you willing to buy so that Junior can win a plastic spy camera?

• You nurture them, mentor them, and provide them with the best of everything — all so they can work a part-time job at Quick Trip and live at home until they're 28.

• The laughter of a 16-year-old at your less than perfect joint rolling really stings.

Duncan Stewart is still paying the student loans from that fancy daycare.













 
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