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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Take a back seat, and let others make the first move. It's better to observe for now. Emotional arguments will not solve a problem, but practical application that allows you to put your efforts where you'll get the highest return is favored.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Show your feelings, and embrace change. Follow your heart. Romance is in the stars, and being true to the one you love will bring stellar results. A trip or socializing will lead to a better understanding of what you can achieve.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Make constructive changes to your spending habits. A precise assessment of what you are doing and have accomplished will help keep you out of trouble when dealing with superiors. Positive and progressive action will be impressive.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Take time to assess your situation at home and your relationships with friends and relatives. Choosing the people you want to work alongside or to help will be crucial if you want to achieve specific results. Express your plans elaborately.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Don't leave anything to chance. Finish what you start to avoid complaints. A change of location or trying something new will help to ease your stress. Take care of any pressing health or family matters. Added responsibilities are apparent.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Do whatever it takes to improve your position personally, financially, or professionally. You will have options, and you must compare where different choices will lead. Don't underestimate someone vying for the same position or goal.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Think big, but don't let impulse overrule common sense. Not everyone will agree with you. Put more effort into domestic changes that will help keep everyone around you content. Avoid anyone trying to pressure you.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Discuss business plans with your boss or someone you want to work alongside. Don't hide your expertise or fear putting a little pressure on someone who needs a gentle push. Love is on the rise, and a little playful fun should be scheduled.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Bend a little if that's what it takes to get along with others. Too much of anything or exaggerating facts will lead to trouble. Make constructive changes at home that will help stabilize your personal life.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You've got more control over a situation than you realize. Take care of money matters; do your best to secure your assets, and you will be able to relax. Your efforts will be looked at as skills that are valuable. Love is highlighted.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Look out for your own interests. Trouble will develop if you share your personal secrets with someone untrustworthy. You had better to focus on important partnerships and maintaining the highest level of integrity. Put money in a safe place.

 

 

 

 


Why She Won't Go Out With You:

• She's a zealous crusader in the war against fluoride, and your breath is minty fresh.

• Her international spy agency forbids her to reveal her true identity or phone number, even though she totally wants to.

• It was something you said.

• She is legally married to her job, and her job is the jealous type.

• She is asleep.

• You suffer from what is clinically referred to as "grossness."

• She's in love with the idea of you. The idea of you is much more handsome.

• You opened with, "You're not exactly my first choice either, but …"

• She doesn't believe you're really "this close to making it big" with your traveling flea circus.

• House is on.

• She is a down-on-her-luck aspiring actress, and you are a giant gorilla.

• She hates you because you're friends with her friend's ex-boyfriend's friend.

• She resents you because you're too awesome.

• You're the milquetoast mild-mannered alter ego of the guy she really likes.

• She is agoraphobic. She would go "in" with you, though.

• You're not the last man on Earth. Yet.

• You didn't wear the correct cologne. Try one with a hint of sandalwood next time.

• She doesn't get along with your other wives.

• She thinks she still has a shot with "the prince-guy who married that chintzy Kate Middleton broad."

• You opened with, "I know a great place where we can glean our own fish oil."

Don't worry. Kit Bryant still loves you.













 
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