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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Use experience to get things done quickly now. Don't allow personal problems to interfere with a job you must complete. Your responsible attitude will attract interest from someone impressed by your efficiency. Keep emotions in check.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Put time and effort into partnerships and helping others. Your gestures will not go unnoticed and will help position you for return favors and offers that can boost your earning power. Make home improvements and nurture personal relationships.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Put honesty first. You'll be caught in an emotional situation if you don't keep your story straight. Put more emphasis on work and doing the best job possible and less on rumors or information that could come back and damage your reputation.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Interact with people from different backgrounds, or learn whatever you can that will help you expand your awareness or make personal improvements. Love is on the rise, and engaging in a little romantic fun will enhance your life.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Focus on saving, not spending. You'll have plenty to offer others without offering cash. Suggestions you make or hands-on help will be appreciated. An unusual investment may tempt you, but you are best to invest in your own skills and services.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Take time to appreciate those who support you mentally, emotionally, and financially. Acknowledging others is all that's required and will leave a better impression than spending money you don't have. Offer time, suggestions, and services.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Short trips will lead to new adventures. Embrace learning something new. An emotional relationship with someone will be tested. Honesty will be important when discussing your feelings. Ask questions if you feel you are being given the runaround.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Follow the signs when it comes to an emotional relationship. An unusual lifestyle will attract your attention. Feeling comfortable with your surroundings will make the difference between struggling to reach your goals and excelling with ease.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Stick to basics and the truth. You may want to passionately express your views, but if you deliver information that isn't factual, you will have to face the consequences. An emotional matter will hurt a relationship you cherish.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Surprise everyone by doing things a little differently. You will find a unique way to turn what you have into so much more. An interesting offer must not be tossed aside. Good fortune will result from a worthwhile partnership.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Don't take chances that might lead to emotional uncertainty. Do what you can to stabilize your personal life and make your residence conducive to building a brighter future. Put energy into something that will increase your income.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Personal time will be well-deserved and will help calm your nerves as you sort out your next move. Love is on the rise, and confessing your personal intentions will help you reach your goals more quickly. Good fortune is within reach.

 

 

 

 


General and unsolicited advice:

• To double chances at winning a raffle, make sure to put halves of your ticket in the hopper.

• You know those "No U-Turn" signs they put on the interstate? Those are the best places to make U-turns.

• No matter who you are or what you believe, we all taste alike to cannibals.

• You can't spell "incompetence" without "competence." Or much else, for that matter.

• Atheism is a pragmatic religious choice; you get Sundays off, get to keep more of your money, and don't need to worry about God watching you masturbate.

• It's bad if your blind date is interrupted by "Dateline." To prevent this: Don't arrange to meet at their house. In the afternoon. After meeting on MySpace.

• Excedrin's dosage instructions are really more of a suggestion. Like the "serving size" is on food labels.

• Always keep it real. If you can't keep it real, fake keepin' in real.

• Only have sex with a man in the back seat of his car if it's a rental car, a luxury car, or both.

• Only have sex with a woman in the back seat of her car if she asks you to.

• There's a fine line between being efficient and lazy. During a long road trip, it's efficient to not stop and to instead use an empty Powerade bottle. It's lazy to not screw the cap back on.

• Be nice to everyone you meet. Usually it's easier, less stressful, and you never know who has a hot sister.

Andrew R. Juhl thanks Brian Tanner and Nathan Wulf for collaborating on today's Ledge.













 
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